The Simpsons (TV Series)

Helter Shelter (2002)

Hank Azaria: Butler, Carl, Moe Szyslak, Captain McAllister, Cletus, Exterminator, Comic Book Guy, Mitch Hartwell, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon, Crazy Old Man

Quotes 

• Male Network Executive : [trying to find a family to appear on a reality show] 

  Female Network Executive : This family's pretty good.

  Male Network Executive : But isn't the dad Bill Cosby?

  Bill Cosby : Y'see, I gotta get back on the TV, coz with the Osbournes, and the soft-core porns and the dogs poopin' and nobody scoopin' and the veesa bola and the ah! Ah! Ah!

  Female Network Executive : We need a family that hasn't been on TV forever. Let's try the Simpsons.

• Moe : Telegram for Heywood U. Cuddleme. Heywood U. Cuddleme? Big guy in the back - hey, would you cuddle me?

  [the bar patrons laugh] 

  Moe : Dude, that little!

  [turns to his own telegraph machine] 

  Moe : I'm going to drive a golden spike where your Union meets your Central Pacific. Stop.

• Homer Simpson : Wow, they had an army helmet under every bed?

  Mitch Hartwell : Uh Mr. Simpson, you're supposed to go to the bathroom in it.

  Homer Simpson : Befoul an army helmet? You'd like that wouldn't ya... hippie!

• Mitch Hartwell : Hi I'm Mitch Hartwell, creator of The 1895 Challenge. And by 'creator' I mean I saw it on Dutch television, and tweaked the title.