The Simpsons (TV Series)

Brawl in the Family (2002)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Strom Thurmond, Krusty the Clown, Count Dracula, Rich Texan, Groundskeeper Willie, 'First Date' Host, Prisoner, Grampa Simpson

Quotes 

• Homer : [drunk]  Look, the thing about my family is there's five of us: Marge, Bart, Girl-Bart, the one who doesn't talk, and the fat guy. How I loathe him!

• Homer : I'm gonna come back with the best gift a husband can get a wife- an annulment from his secret wife.

• [Ginger wakes up next to Abe] 

  Ginger : Wha?

  Abe Simpson : Good morning, honey.

  Ginger : Who are you?

  Abe Simpson : I'm your husband. We got married yesterday.

  Ginger : But, how? We didn't?... You know. Did we?

  Abe Simpson : You know, we almost didn't. But you wouldn't take "I can't" for an answer.

• [playing Monopoly] 

  Lisa Simpson : These hotels are made of LEGOs. Bart, you're cheating!

  Marge Simpson : Lisa, it was probably an accident.

  Lisa Simpson : Oh, sure. You take his side, just because he bought you that house on St. James Place.

  Bart Simpson : Who else is going to take care of her? Dad?

  Homer Simpson : Why you little...!

  [Homer starts strangling Bart] 

  Marge Simpson : Stop fighting!

  [Marge starts strangling Homer] 

  Lisa Simpson : Mom, that's not how you pry them apart.

  [Lisa grabs Bart's arm and tries to pull him away from Homer] 

  Marge Simpson : I've been prying them apart since before you were born!

• [Homer thinks Gabriel is an angel] 

  Homer : Gabriel, this is a bar where they serve beer, which is the mortal equivalent of your ambrosia.

  Gabriel : Homer, I'm not an angel.

  Homer : Well, not with that attitude.

• Abe Simpson : [to Homer]  You know, I have a son about your age.

• Homer Simpson : Okay, why are we in the woods? Is this Heaven?

• Homer Simpson : Aah, the sweet couple of seconds before I remember why I'm sleeping on the lawn.

• Gabriel : Homer, your problem is quite simple. You're a drunken, childish buffoon.

  Homer Simpson : Which is society's fault, because...?

  Gabriel : It's YOUR fault, Homer!

• Homer Simpson : Marge, I'm sorry but it wasn't my fault. Liquors drunkened me!

• [after showing Amber the video of her wedding to Grampa] 

  Bart : You crapped out, Vegas Mom!

  Marge Simpson : Our plan worked perfectly.

  Lisa : And we carried it out as a family.

  Amber : What plan? You got me drunk!

  Abe Simpson : Yeah, but this time you woke up with more than a hangover. You're married to me - ME!

  [laughs evilly] 

• Krusty the Clown : Let's get rid of PBS. Those lousy Muppets have been taking food out of mouth for way to long.