The Simpsons (TV Series)

Black Widower (1992)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Krusty the Clown, Mr. Teeny, Hans Moleman, Chairman, Man in Audience, Barney Gumble

Quotes 

• Sideshow Bob : [Sideshow bob is watching TV with Selma] 

  Man : Thank you, Sen?or MacGyver, you saved our village.

  MacGyver : Don't thank me, thank the Moon's gravitational pull.

  Selma : That MacGyver's a genius.

  Sideshow Bob : First of all, he's not a genius, he's an actor, and second, he's not *much* of an actor.

  Selma : You're lying! You're lying!

  Sideshow Bob : No Selma, this is lying: that was a well-plotted piece of nonclaptrap that never made me want to retch.

• Homer Simpson : To the Simpson-mobile!

• [watching TV, Bart suddenly realizes Bob's plan] 

  Bart : [shoots to his feet]  Aunt Selma has one hour to live!

  Homer Simpson : Hey, down in front.

• [Sideshow Bob wins an Emmy in prison] 

  Sideshow Bob : This is one more Emmy than you'll ever win, you bantering jack-in-the-box!

  Krusty the Clown : Just don't drop that thing in the shower, Bob!

  Sideshow Bob : No-talent shill!

  Krusty the Clown : Second banana!

  Sideshow Bob : Panderer!

  Krusty the Clown : Bore!

• Krusty the Clown : oh bob that jerk i got to replace you isent even fit to hold your slide whistle.

• Homer Simpson : Gee, if some snot-nosed kid sent me to prison, the first thing out I'd find out where he lives, and tear him a new belly button!

  [he mimes stabbing an imaginary kid with his steak knife] 

  Homer Simpson : Lousy snitch...

  [jerks the knife upward] 

  Homer Simpson : YAAH!

  [Bart chuckles nervously] 

  Sideshow Bob : [chuckling]  Ah, Mr. Simpson, you're forgetting the first two noble truths of the Buddha.

  Homer Simpson : I am not!

• Sideshow Bob : Bart, I must know how did you untangle my web?

  Homer Simpson : Yeah, Bart, clue us in.

  Bart : [looking at Chief Wiggum]  I'd hate to tell the number-one cop in town how to do his job.

  Chief Wiggum : No, please, it's the only way I'll learn.

  Bart : All right. Sideshow Bob seemed desperate to get that fireplace, but why? Then it hit me - The gas! Surely anyone would have noticed a gas leak except Aunt Selma.

  Selma : [flashback]  I permanently lost my sense of smell.

  Bart : She happily watched MacGyver unaware that her room was silently filling with natural gas. All it needed to explode was a single spark, say, from a cigarette.

  Selma : [flashback]  I've decided to give up smoking except after meals and MacGyver.

  Bart : Her only hope was a plucky young boy and his slow-witted father. When Aunt Selma lights up after MacGyver she'll be blown to kingdom come.

  Homer Simpson : [flashback]  Come again?

  Bart : After trying four times to explain it to Homer I explained it to Mom and we were on our way!

  Homer Simpson : [flashback]  To the Simpson Mobile!

  Sideshow Bob : If you saved Selma, why did the room explode?

  Chief Wiggum : Oh, I'll field that one.

  Chief Wiggum : [flashback: The police and Homer smoking cigars]  Me and my boys were celebrating on a job well done when I threw my match in the vicinity of the crime scene.

  Chief Wiggum : [flashback: The room explodes]  Oh, right, the gas.

  Sideshow Bob : [being led away in handcuffs, laughing at the end]  I'll be back. You can't keep the Democrats out of the White House forever. And when they get in, I'm back on the streets, with all my criminal buddies.

  Selma : I feel like such a fool.

  Marge : Well, he fooled almost everyone. But there was one little boy who never lost his mistrust.

  Bart : Thanks, Mom. Now, let's get out of this gas-filled hallway before we all suffocate.

• Homer Simpson : Hey, weiner boy, where do you think you're going?

• Krusty the Clown : bob that jerk i got to replace. you isn't even fit to hold your slide whistle.