The Simpsons (TV Series)

Bart Carny (1998)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Krusty, Screamatorium Repair Man, Colonel Tex

Quotes 

• Homer : Oh, he's sitting in the ass-groove. It took me years to work in that groove!

• Marge : How are we going to get those hicks out of our house?

  Bart : We could start a fire and smoke 'em out.

  Marge : No fires.

  Lisa : [pauses for a moment]  Well, we could start a fire...

  Marge : No fires.

  Homer : [enthusiastically]  I got it...

  Marge : No fires!

• Chief Wiggum : Uh, I hate to interrupt your fun boys, but I got a few complaints that your game is crooked.

  Homer : [laughs]  And how.

  Chief Wiggum : Gee, I'd hate to close you down. Maybe we can reach a little, uh, understanding here.

  [holds out his hand] 

  Homer : [monotone]  I understand.

  Bart : Um, hey, Dad, I... I think he wants...

  Homer : Not right now, Son. Daddy's talking to a policeman.

  Chief Wiggum : Uh, let me put it this way. I'm looking for my friend Bill.

  [glances down at the cash box] 

  Chief Wiggum : Have you seen any Bills around here?

  Homer : No.

  [points to Bart] 

  Homer : He's Bart.

  Chief Wiggum : [groans]  Listen carefully, and watch me wink as I speak, okay?

  Homer : Okay.

  Chief Wiggum : The guy I'm really looking for, wink,

  [winks] 

  Chief Wiggum : is Mr. Bribe, wink, wink.

  [winks twice] 

  Homer : It's a ring toss game.

  Chief Wiggum : All right, that's it. I'm shutting this game down.

• Bart : We're natural-born Carnies, Dad. If only we weren't tied down with a family.

  Homer : Yeah. We could start our own game, where people throw ducks at balloons and nothing's the way it seems.

• [Homer is taunting a shark] 

  Homer : Come on Sharky. Call yourself the king of the jungle?

• Homer : You can't outsmart carnival folk. They're the cleverest folk in the world. Just look at the way they sucker regular folk with their crooked games.

• Homer : Carnies *built* this country - the carnival part of it, anyway.

• Rich Texan : Some say Hitler's skeleton is in the trunk; others say its just a spare tire. I'm a busy man, so I haven't checked.