- Maude Flanders: Neddy, I've had about all I can take of Homer Simpson's torso. I'll get some hot dogs.
- Ned Flanders: No foot-longs!
- Maude Flanders: I know, they make you uncomfortable.
- [Homer is taping a shirtless Flanders doing yardwork]
- Bart Simpson: Why are you taping Flanders, Dad?
- Homer Simpson: [slyly] You'll see.
- Bart Simpson: Do you even *have* a job anymore?
- Homer Simpson: I think it's pretty obvious that I *don't*.
- Reverend Lovejoy: In many ways, Maude Flanders was a supporting player in our lives. She didn't grab our attention with memorable catchphrases, or comical accents.
- Willie: Aye.
- Captain McAllister: Yar.
- Frink: Oh, glaven, why, glaven?
- Reverend Lovejoy: But, whether you noticed her or not, Maude was always there... and we thought she always would be.
- Dr. Hibbert: Hmm, a Ford urinating on a Chevrolet.
- Bernice Hibbert: Don't you usually laugh at everything?
- Dr. Hibbert: Yes. Yes, I do.
- [Homer and Lisa are using an editing machine to make a dating video for lonely Ned]
- Lisa Simpson: Dad there are other wipes beside the star-wipe.
- Homer Simpson: Why eat hamburger when you can have steak?
- Lisa Simpson: [eyeroll] I'm takin' my name off this thing.
- [Flanders' direct appeal for understanding of the situation, or some kind of sign, is ignored by God]
- Ned Flanders: Ohh, and after all that church chocolate I bought - which, BY THE WAY, was gritty, and had that white stuff on it! Well I've had it!
- [Comic Book visits a dating service and grabs all the one-nighter presentation videotapes]
- Clerk: Are you going to call all those women?
- Comic Book Guy: No, the tapes will do just fine.
- Ned Flanders: Hi-diddly-ho, petal-to-the-metal-ophiles.
- Homer Simpson: Flanders? Since when do you like anything cool?
- Ned Flanders: Oh, I don't care for the speed, but I can't get enough of that safety gear - helmets, roll bars, caution flags...
- Maude Flanders: I like the fresh air, and looking at the poor people in the infield.
- Brandine: Dang, Cletus, why'd you have to park by my parents?
- Cletus: Now, honey, they's my parents, too.
- Reverend Lovejoy: My friends, life is about change. Just yesterday, Apu was a lonely bachelor.
- Apu: Yes, thank God those days are over.
- Reverend Lovejoy: And the Van Houtens were enjoying a storybook marriage.
- Kirk Van Houten: Yeah, lots of storybooks have witches.
- Pyro: Shut up, Kirk!
- Kirk Van Houten: Sorry.