The Simpsons (TV Series)
A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)
Yeardley Smith: Lisa Simpson
Quotes
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Bart : Come on, Lise. There's gotta be a way to lure that badger out.
Lisa Simpson : Well, according to whatbadgerseat.com, "badgers subsist primarily on a diet of stoats, voles, and marmots."
Bart : [searching in a cabinet] Hmm, stoats, stoats...
Lisa Simpson : Stoats are weasels, Bart. They don't come in cans.
Bart : [showing her a can] Then what's this?
Lisa Simpson : That says "corn," Bart.
Bart : [checking] Must you embarrass me?
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Phony McRing-Ring : Hi, I'm Phony McRing-Ring, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of area code in...
[an automated voice dubs in "your town"]
Phony McRing-Ring : ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.
Homer : Uh, I have a question, Phony.
Lisa Simpson : It's a movie, dad.
Homer : Quiet, honey, daddy's asking the man a question.
Phony McRing-Ring : You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?"
[opening a closet, refrigerator magnet-like numbers fall out]
Phony McRing-Ring : Whoa! Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?
Chief Wiggum : Well, how big of a monkey?
Phony McRing-Ring : [laughing] Of course you're not.
Lenny : [the film ends] Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right.
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Marge Simpson : [after going shopping in Olde Springfield] I don't know why, but I just didn't feel comfortable until I was back here in New Springfield with my own kind.
Lisa Simpson : Mom!
Marge Simpson : They were looking at me... with their eyes.
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Lisa Simpson : If you ask me...
Homer : Stop right there.
Lisa Simpson : It's stupid to divide the city over something as silly as an area code. It would be like you and mom splitting up every time you have a fight.
Homer : Sweetie, you know your mother and I only stay together for the sake of my political career.
Marge Simpson : That's not true!
Homer : [spotting a paparazzo outside the kitchen] Big grins!
[kissing Marge's cheek as their picture is taken]
Homer : Mwah! That'll play great in the sticks.
[finishing his coffee, he uses his "mayor" sash as a napkin; tearing it off, the one under it reads "time to reorder"]
Homer : Oh, that was 50 already?
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Homer : [after getting mauled by a badger] Bart, do you have any dynamite in your room?
Bart : Tons.
Homer : Get it.
Lisa Simpson : No, dad, we don't want to kill him. Let's call animal control.
Homer : Great idea. Then we should call a doctor about this.
Lisa Simpson : [he lifts up his shirt, revealing a hole in his chest and his exposed internal organs] How did the badger do that without ripping your shirt?
Homer : What am I, a tailor?
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Bart : Well, dad, you're mayor of a ghost town.
Homer : Oh, I can't believe those traitors abandoned us. They couldn't take one lousy famine.
Lisa Simpson : [smashing the window of a deli, he takes a string of sausage links] Dad, you're bleeding.
Homer : No problem.
[smashing the window of a pharmacy, he takes a gauze bandage and wraps his hand]
Homer : Anyhow, those rats'll come crawling back. We've got the Who playing here tonight.
Lisa Simpson : Dad, the arena's in Olde Springfield.
Homer : D'oh!
Bart : Don't give up, dad. Maybe we can get the Who to play here instead.
Homer : Hey, maybe we could. But we'll need some liquid persuasion.
[going to a store called Just Chloroform, he smashes a window and takes a bottle]
Homer : Come on, Bart. We're gonna bring back the Who.
[kissing the bottle, he instantly becomes woozy]