The Simpsons (TV Series)

A Tale of Two Springfields (2000)

Harry Shearer: Lenny Leonard, Marty, Mr. Burns, Dr. Hibbert, Jasper, Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner, Waylon Smithers

Quotes 

• Kent Brockman : [talking about the people of "New Springfield" when a new area code divides the town]  They tend to use low-brow expressions like "Oh, yeah?" and "Comere a minute."

  Homer Simpson : [watching the TV with Bart]  Oh, yeah? They think they're better than us, huh? Bart, comere a minute.

  Bart : You comere a minute.

  Homer Simpson : Oh, yeah?

• [the residents of Old Springfield discover gold in the river after Homer turns off the dam] 

  Kent Brockman : Thanks, Mayor Simpson! From now on, we'll all be taking golden showers.

  [muffled laughter is heard in the background] 

  Kent Brockman : What?

• Lenny : There's nothing like revenge for getting back at people.

  Carl : I don't know, vengeance is pretty good.

• Kent Brockman : The Who will be playing tonight at Springfield's historic Yahoo Search Engine Arena.

• Mr. Burns : [answering the phone]  Ahoy hoy?

• Homer : I hate this new area code. Like I don't have enough to remember already.

  [on his hand, he's written "Lenny=White" and "Carl=Black"] 

  Homer : Is that right? Don't you miss the old 636...

  [checking his hand] 

  Homer : ...Carl?

  Carl : I'm not sure which one's better. The six is closer to the three, so you got convenience there, but the nine has less to do with Satan, which is a plus in this religious world of ours.

  Homer : What really burns me up is they didn't give us one word of warning.

  Carl : What do you mean? They ran those TV commercials about it and that big radio campaign.

  Lenny : Don't forget the leaflets they dropped from the space shuttle, and the two weeks we all spent at area code camp.

  Homer : Not a single word of warning.

• Mayor Quimby : [Homer dams Olde Springfield's water source]  They got us now. Without water, we're doomed.

  Principal Skinner : Wait a minute. What's that gold-colored substance in the riverbed?

  Dr. Hibbert : Why, that's gold.

  Mr. Burns : We're slightly richer!

• Bart : [at the nuclear power plant]  Dad, I don't think this is such a good idea.

  Homer : Thank you, Marge. Now, let's see how Olde Snubfield does without electricity.

  [watching the power in Olde Springfield go out] 

  Homer : Whoo hoo!

  Nurse : [at Springfield Hospital]  Oh, no. You can't do heart surgery in the dark.

  Dr. Hibbert : Sounds like a wager to me.

  Krusty : [the patient]  I'll take a piece of that.

• Phony McRing-Ring : Hi, I'm Phony McRing-Ring, mascot and president of the telephone company, and I'm here to explain why the convenience of area code in...

  [an automated voice dubs in "your town"] 

  Phony McRing-Ring : ...has been replaced by the convenience of two area codes.

  Homer : Uh, I have a question, Phony.

  Lisa Simpson : It's a movie, dad.

  Homer : Quiet, honey, daddy's asking the man a question.

  Phony McRing-Ring : You're probably thinking, "Sure, more area codes are great, and I don't mind paying the extra hidden fees, but how will I remember all those numbers?"

  [opening a closet, refrigerator magnet-like numbers fall out] 

  Phony McRing-Ring : Whoa! Well, scientists have discovered that even monkeys can memorize ten numbers. Are you stupider than a monkey?

  Chief Wiggum : Well, how big of a monkey?

  Phony McRing-Ring : [laughing]  Of course you're not.

  Lenny : [the film ends]  Well, I'm convinced. A professional-looking film like that has got to be right.

• Homer : You rich snobs aren't pushing us around anymore!

  Kent Brockman : And what are you pathetic slobs going to do about it?

  Homer : Well, I...

  [trying to detonate his dynamite vest, nothing happens] 

  Homer : Huh?

  [trying a few more times] 

  Homer : Oh, nice wiring, Bart.

  Bart : It worked on the test corpse.

  Homer : Okay, plan B. Fellow 939-ers, I saw we break off and form our own city!

  Bumblebee Man : [with a cheer, they follow Homer out]  Viva la revolucion!

  Homer : Now who's stupid?

• Homer : Now, I'm not one to make trouble, but it seems to me that everyone who got to keep the old, or "classic", 636 area code, lives on...

  [accusingly] 

  Homer : ...the rich side of town!

  Mr. Burns : Ooh, poppycock.

  Mrs. Vanderbilt : [insulted]  I never!

  [her companion's monocle falls into his martini] 

  Homer : And, as usual, we Joe 12-packs get the royal screw job.

• Mayor Quimby : I say the time for bitterness has passed. Let us extend to our brothers in New Springfield the olive branch of...

  Homer : [hitting him with a can of Duff]  New Springfield rocks!

  Principal Skinner : Go ahead and laugh. We have a better town bird.

  Homer : Oh, yeah? What is it?

  Principal Skinner : The bluebird.

  Homer : [unable to come up with something better]  Damn it.

• Kent Brockman : As expected, New Springfield's bold experiment in slob rule is a disaster.

  Homer : Hey, the TV man is talking about us!

  Kent Brockman : A study shows their crumbling economy is due to their lazy attitude and shoddy work.

  Homer : How the hell did they find that out?

• Marty : Okay, time to give away free concert tickets.

  Gary Coleman : [recording]  What'chu talkin' about?

  Marty : Whoa-ho. What we're talking about, Gary, is the Who!

  Bill : We're giving away tickets to next week's concert at Springfield's historic Yahoo Search Engine Arena!

  Homer : The Who? I love bands!

• Mr. Burns : Smithers, why did you iron a crease in these dungarees? I look like a square.

  Waylon Smithers : Uh, that crease is in your leg, sir.

  Mr. Burns : Oh, so it is.

• Principal Skinner : It's not like the Who to be tardy. I'm worried.

  Edna Krabappel : [hearing music in the distance]  What's that?

  Captain McAllister : [looking outside with a sextant]  Argh! 'Tis the Who! By my reckoning, they're in the scurvy depths of New Springfield!

  Moe : Homer stole our rock performance. That fat, dumb, and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.

  Sideshow Mel : Who's ready to riot?