- Homer Simpson: [Marge's eyes are seen in a darkened bedroom] Marge, could you close your eyes? I'm trying to sleep.
- Chief Wiggum: [after pulling over Troy McClure] I'll tear this ticket up, but I'm, um, still going to have to ask you for a bribe.
- MacArthur Parker: Troy, Mac Parker. Ever hear of "Planet of the Apes"?
- Troy McClure: Ehh... the movie or the planet?
- MacArthur Parker: The brand-new multi-million dollar musical! And you are starring as the human.
- Troy McClure: It's the part I was born to play, baby!
- Troy McClure: Hello, Selma Bouvier? It's Troy McClure. You may remember me from such dates as last night's dinner.
- Troy McClure: [because Troy needs glasses to drive, he keeps hitting parked cars] Hey, these guys are all over the road!
- Chimpanzee #1: Help, the human is about to escape.
- Troy McClure: Gets you paws off me, you dirty ape.
- [singing]
- Selma: Are you gay?
- Troy McClure: Gay? I wish! If I were gay, there'd be no problem. No, what I have is a romantic abnormality, one so unbelievable that it must be hidden from the public at all costs. You see...
- Selma: [interrupting] Stop!
- Selma: [after Patty and Marge beat around the bush about Troy] I see what this is. Looks like my sisters have a case of the green eyed gazungas.
- Selma: [to Patty] You're stuck with a job you'll still be doing ten years after you die.
- Selma: [to Marge] And you, you're tied down with a man who'd have to bathe to be a slob.
- MacArthur Parker: [to Troy] Listen, you keep getting seen in public with human females, and I can get you work in the entertainment industry!
- Troy McClure: [drunk] Gee that's a great idea Homer but I think they already made a bunch of movies about World War II!
- Homer Simpson: Aaaww.
- Troy McClure: My good looks paid for that pool and my talent filled it with water hi im try mcclure yore future uncle.
- Troy: No longer cance I conceal my love, my wimple turtle dove.
- Troy: No longer cance I conceal my love, my wimple turtle dove.
- [at the same time Troy is saying the exact same line in the film "Muppets go Midevil"]
- Selma: Ohhh ohhhhh...
- Miss Piggy: Ohhh ohhhhh...
- [Miss Piggy same the same thing at the same time]
- Troy: Oh, princess fare, wills thou grant me thy dainty hoof in marriage?
- Troy: Oh, princess fare, wills thou grant me thy dainty hoof in marriage?
- [at the same time Troy is saying the exact same line in the film "Muppets go Midevil"]
- Selma: Oh, Troy, I will.
- Miss Piggy: Oh, sir Lancelot, I will.
- [Miss Piggy says at the same time]