The Simpsons (TV Series)

$pringfield (Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Legalized Gambling) (1993)

Dan Castellaneta: Homer Simpson, Grampa Simpson, Man Crashing Car, Scott Christian, Barney Gumble, Mayor Quimby, Irish Worker, Hippie Designer, Rich Texan, Squeaky-Voiced Teen, Raymond Babbitt, Man Rolling Dice, Hillbilly, Krusty the Clown, Casino Employee #3, Yay Crowd, Boo Crowd

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Lisa has had a nightmare] 

  Lisa : Well, I know it's absurd, but I dreamed the boogeyman was after me, and he was hiding under...

  Homer : Ahhhhhhhhhh! Boogeyman! You nail the windows shut, I'll get the gun!

  [Homer bursts into Bart's room] 

  Homer : Bart, I don't want to alarm you, but there may be a boogeyman or boogeymen in the house!

  Bart : Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

• Lisa : [about her state costume]  I'm a monster!

  Homer : No, Lisa, the only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother, I call him Gamblor! And it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws!

• Homer : [Ranting loudly]  YURGIDDAFURDARATAARA.

  Marge : Homer, what is it? Slow down.

  Homer : [Calmly and slowly]  Yurgiddafurdarataara.

  Marge : Think before you say each word.

  Homer : You broke a promise to your child.

• [Homer finds a pair of horn-rimmed glasses floating in a toilet bowl. He puts them on, then puts a finger to his head, a la the Scarecrow in "The Wizard of Oz."] 

  Homer : [rapidly]  The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triange is equal to the square root of the remaining side.

  Man in Stall : That's a right triangle, ya idiot!

  Homer : D'oh!

• [Burns flashes back to his childhood on the Springfield Waterfront: as a little boy riding the bumper cars, he ignores the other cars and heads straight for the legs of an Irish worker painting the rail] 

  Irishman : AH! Why, you little-!

  [turns around and gasps] 

  Irishman : Master Burns! I mean, carry on.

  [laughing, Burns ploughs repeatedly into his legs] 

  Irishman : AH! OOH! OW! Oh, me leg's gone gammy! Who'll provide for me little ones?

• Homer : Well, that's nothing because you have a gambling problem!

  Marge : Homer! When you forgive someone you don't rub it in!

• [Homer is a Blackjack dealer] 

  Ernst Stavro Blofeld : Twenty. Your move, Mr. Bond.

  James Bond : I'll take a hit, dealer.

  [Homer deals Bond a card] 

  James Bond : Joker? You were supposed to take those out.

  Homer : Oh, sorry.

  [Homer deals Bond another card] 

  James Bond : What's this? "Rules for Draw and Stud Poker"?

  Ernst Stavro Blofeld : What a pity, Mr. Bond...

  [Oddjob and Jaws advance on Bond and grab him] 

  James Bond : But it was Homer's fault. I can't lose. I never lose.

  [Oddjob and Jaws drag Bond out of the casino] 

  James Bond : At least tell me your plans for world domination.

  Ernst Stavro Blofeld : Oh ho, ho, I'm not falling for *that* one again.

• Homer Simpson : Lisa, your mom still loves you, she has a carrer now she's a slot jockey.