Scrubs (TV Series)

My Screwup (2004)

Ken Jenkins: Dr. Bob Kelso

Quotes 

• Dr. Bob Kelso : [Dr. Kelso finds Carla in the supply closet]  I'm just here to, ah...

  [looks around the shelves and racks] 

  Dr. Bob Kelso : ... get a nasal speculum.

  Nurse Carla Espinosa : [Kelso grabs the device off a shelf and starts to walk out]  I just wish I didn't hate that mole so much.

  Dr. Bob Kelso : [Stops and sighs]  I used one of these on my wife once. She's a terrible snorer. Used to keep me up all night. I made her have the surgery. 'Course, that only made things worse. Here's the twist. Now, whenever she goes out of town, I can't fall asleep without the sound of that gasping, wheezing woman lying right next to me. Trust me. If I ever met a Japan Air stewardess who snores like Enid, I'd marry her tomorrow. But here's the point. You might find out that thing you hate so much is the very same thing you miss when it's gone.

• Ted : [Ted is shouting into a phone]  You wanna quit? Then quit! But you, sir, are a Worthless Peon! And you will always be a Worthless Peon!

  [Ted hangs up the phone and turns to Dr. Kelso] 

  Ted : Sir, you know my band? The Worthless Peons? Well, Chris from shipping and receiving wants to go solo. We lose him, we lose our sex appeal. He's the only one with hair. What do you think I should do?

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Ted, you know my rule about personal problems. I'm not interested unless it involves my loved ones. Or possibly my wife.

• Nurse Carla Espinosa : I just don't want to do this, Dr. Kelso, but I already agreed. What do you think I should do?

  Dr. Bob Kelso : Well, Nurse Snickers, until now, you've just been white noise. But since you forced me to respond, let me tell you a couple of things that only a few people know.

  [Leans in conspiratorially, lowering his voice] 

  Dr. Bob Kelso : I haven't paid my country club dues since the third quarter of '97. But I still tee off every Wednesday at 8:15 and take a bare-ass steam when the last putt drops. But more importantly, I really don't care about any of you or your problems. And you can confirm that with Ted.