- The Richmeister: The Ben-Man. Not really retarded, just a little slow... Livin' life in the Slow Lane... The Slowmeister!
- Weekend Update Anchor: Well, in San Diego yesterday, President Bush said the best way to avoid medical bills is to stay healthy. He also added the best way to live long is not to die.
- Weekend Update Anchor: In a survey of one thousand Americans, 58% said they believe that President Bush's economic plan is a gimmick, 24% said they believe it's a gizmo and 18% believe it's just one of those doohickey's.