- Miss Self-Esteem New York - Denise O'Donnell: I know that, eh, we're supposed to wear an evening gown here, but, since there's no swimsuit competition, I thought I would just take this opportunity to show off my killer bod. I figured, I'm comfortable with it, so youz would be, too. It's fun, enjoy.
- Michael Gross: Now that is self-esteem! She plays terribly, and yet she feels great about herself, huh!
- Michael Gross: Before I announce the first runner-up, I wanna emphasise how important she is. Because, should our winner lose her self-esteem, and thus become unable to fulfil her duties, the first runner-up will assume the title of Miss Self-Esteem USA.