- Sabrina Spellman: The last time I wore mittens, everybody teased me. It almost ruined kindergarten for me.
- Sabrina Spellman: Heads up. Here comes the floor show
- Libby Chessler: Time to wake up from my nightmare
- [pinches herself]
- Libby Chessler: Ow! Time to wake up from my nightmare
- [pinches herself]
- Libby Chessler: Ow! Time to wake up from my nightmare
- [pinches herself]
- Libby Chessler: Ow!
- Dr. Brickman: Patients finger presents as distended and yucky
- Sabrina Spellman: Oh shoot, my insurance only covers ookie but not yucky
- Dr. Brickman: I'm going to have to drain this
- Sabrina Spellman: Ok this child is not coming near me with anything sharp.
- Harvey Kinkle: What's with the mittens? Eczema?
- Sabrina Spellman: No. I promised my aunts I'd wear them, but there was no time frame on that promise.
- Valerie Birkhead: I put my idea for a town meeting on Mrs. Quick's desk.
- Sabrina Spellman: Oh, no. The person you want to read it will actually read it?
- Valerie Birkhead: So you see what an awful situation it is.
- Sabrina Spellman: Valerie, you're the only person I know that has to work up to low self-esteem.
- Valerie Birkhead: I know. The other day I saw this book called How to Be Confident, and I almost bought it. But I was afraid the cashier would make fun of me.
- Mrs. Quick: Valerie, I read your...
- Valerie Birkhead: I'm sorry.
- Mrs. Quick: No. I think your town-meeting idea is wonderful.
- Valerie Birkhead: Really? You're not just saying that?
- Mrs. Quick: No, believe me. If I didn't like your proposal, I'd be avoiding you right now. I'm afraid of confrontation.
- Valerie Birkhead: Uh-oh. Whenever Mr. Kraft makes an announcement in the cafeteria, you open your mouth and get us all in trouble.
- Sabrina Spellman: That is not true, is it, Harvey?
- Harvey Kinkle: Very true.
- Quizmaster Albert: Attention, everyone.
- Valerie Birkhead: Here he comes. Pretend you don't know me.
- Principal Willard Kraft: Today, we honour a woman who for the past years has fed us our lunches and given us our change. Her dedication knows no bounds. She even served us food through her long bout with mono. And so, for you, Ingrid Tornnanis, our appreciation and this golden hairnet.
- [CLATTERING]
- Principal Willard Kraft: Oh, nothing to worry about. Just a vat of sloppy joes spilled. You wanna get that? Okay, and I'll mail you this. Let's hear it for Mrs. Tornnanis.
- Sabrina Spellman: She shouldn't have to clean that up. I mean, without a bucket.
- Principal Willard Kraft: Anyway, moving on... I would now like to announce her replacement. You.
- Harvey Kinkle: What?
- Principal Willard Kraft: Mm-hm. That's right. All of you will be replacing Mrs. Tornnanis.
- Sabrina Spellman: What kind of crazy--? Hey, Mr. Kraft is talking.
- Libby Chessler: [to Harvey] Sorry about you being second string.
- [to Valerie]
- Libby Chessler: Sorry about you... in general.
- Mrs. Quick: I've been wondering, do you think it's such a good idea to have the students work during lunch?
- Principal Willard Kraft: No. I don't think it's a good idea. I think it's a brilliant idea. And if Einstein had had these kind of money-saving ideas, he could have afforded a haircut.
- Mrs. Quick: Okay, I was just wondering.
- Principal Willard Kraft: So, what you're saying is that this "Westbridge town meeting" will actually encourage the students to express their opinions?
- Mrs. Quick: Exactly.
- Principal Willard Kraft: Mm-hm. Oh, why don't we just let the students run the school? That'll make for some high SATs.
- Sabrina Spellman: I'm too weak to lie. I didn't wear my mittens today.
- Hilda Spellman: I told you we should have glued them on.
- Zelda Spellman: Remind me to scold you when you're not such a pathetic figure.
- Hilda Spellman: Here's some chicken soup. It's good for you.
- Zelda Spellman: No, dear. It's for your finger.
- Sabrina Spellman: Hey. I don't dump on your lifestyle.
- Salem Saberhagen: All I've done all day is eat, sleep and stare off into space. What an awful existence.
- Sabrina Spellman: Oh, no. I gotta get to school.
- Salem Saberhagen: Some people just don't know how to enjoy being sick.
- Sabrina Spellman: What do I do?
- Zelda Spellman: First thing is hear me say you're in trouble. And the next thing is get Mrs. Soon here quick. I mean, get Mrs. Quick here soon.
- Sabrina Spellman: How? I can't trust my finger. It's all stuffed up.
- Zelda Spellman: Then do it the mortal way, and drink fluids.
- Sabrina Spellman: Mortal way? Okay, I need a blindfold and a gun.
- Zelda Spellman: [to Sabrina] Don't worry. He performed his first operation at 2.
- Dr. Brickman: I even supervised my own birth. I'm a complete professional.
- Hilda Spellman: Well, Salem, your temperature is alarmingly high.
- Salem Saberhagen: I'm really sick?
- Hilda Spellman: Yes, and that can only mean one thing...
- Salem Saberhagen: More attention and sympathy?
- Hilda Spellman: A nice cold bath.
- Salem Saberhagen: What? I'm feeling better. I am not an animal!
- Principal Willard Kraft: Do you think I am doing this just to make the students angry? That's just a delightful bonus.
- Sabrina Spellman: Valerie, I learned that if you think you are confident, you are confident.
- Valerie Birkhead: And I learned that childhood traumas don't go away by reading a book.
- Mrs. Quick: You know, I used to respect you.
- Principal Willard Kraft: Well... Hey, you really know how to hit a guy's sore spot, don't you?
- Mrs. Quick: You'll never teach the students values by exploiting them.
- Valerie Birkhead: So I'm a little concerned about my newfound confidence. It seems to be limited to getting me more Tater Tots.
- Mrs. Quick: Hey, hey, mister! You could fall and really hurt yourself, dear. Come on, let's go get you some cocoa.
- Valerie Birkhead: I want to be just like her. All except for the low teacher's salary part.
- Dr. Brickman: I think we should use something more medically sound.
- Sabrina Spellman: A lollipop? Okay, it's second-opinion time.
- Zelda Spellman: No, it's a magical lollipop. Anyone who sucks on it will instantly become a sucker who will believe anything we tell them. It's a highly regarded scientific procedure.
- Principal Willard Kraft: What's going on here? Sabrin...
- Hilda Spellman: You're here because you're rescuing all these people on a secret mission for the FBI.
- Principal Willard Kraft: No kidding.
- Sabrina Spellman: Hey, this is fun. President Clinton went on TV and said you're a big, fat stupid head.
- Principal Willard Kraft: And that's why I'm a Republican.
- Dr. Brickman: First of all, get back to where the spell originally took place. Then put these in their ears and turn it counterclockwise. It'll erase their memory of the spell.
- Sabrina Spellman: And what will erase my memory of having to do that?