Roseanne (TV Series)

Roseanne in the Hood (1995)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

Quotes 

• [Roseanne and Jackie break into the competing diner. Roseanne tries to plant a dead fish in the exhaust hood over the stove and gets stuck] 

  Jackie Harris : How! How did you get stuck!

  Roseanne : By my boobs! They folded down on the way up, then they locked - like those toggle bolts!

• Jackie Harris : [panicing]  I will - I'll get you out! I *will* get you out! Just - I - I know! I - I'll turn on the stove, and then the metal in the vent will expand.

  Roseanne : [hysterically]  I'm standing on the stove! It's amazing to have your head stuck in a vent, and still not be the *stupidest* person in the room!

• Roseanne : [a new diner has opened up across the street and it has a salad bar]  A salad bar! Huh. Well obviously they're not from around here. This is - this is a loose meat kind-of-a town. We are not some California tofu-eating, nordic-tracking freaks that wanna live past 50!

• [first lines] 

  David Healy : Mrs. Conner, have you seen this book? This is everything you need to know about your baby.

  Roseanne : I don't need a book, I watch Kathy Lee. All I want is a book that'll teach my kid to kick her Cody's *ass*.