Roseanne (TV Series)

Like a Virgin (1990)

Roseanne Barr: Roseanne Conner

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Quotes 

• Becky : [re: birth control]  But doesn't all that stuff, like, kill the mood?

  Roseanne : Not as much as a screaming baby with a loaded diaper.

• Jackie Harris : Mom never talked to us about birth control, she never even talked to us about sex.

  Roseanne : Sex? She told me it was something people did in Europe.

  Jackie Harris : No she did try to talk to us about it one time, but it was so lame. She said if we let a boy go all the way we'd be called loose or slutty or trampy, like that'd stop us.

  Roseanne : She should've said we'd be called Mommy.

• Roseanne : You could use the rhythm method.

  Becky : Does it work?

  Roseanne : Ask your brother.

• Darlene Conner : Do you think he'll ever talk to me again?

  Roseanne : Well you did use him like a cheap piece of meat. Guys love that.

• Dan Conner : Guys lie. I had this buddy in high school, he used to tell girls they couldn't get pregnant if they jumped up and down after sex.

  Roseanne : Yeah, Phil De Salvo.

  Dan Conner : How'd you know that?

  Roseanne : [pause, gets up]  I think I will go have a talk with Becky.

  [goes upstairs] 

  Dan Conner : [pause]  I told you about that, right?

• Jackie Harris : [to Becky]  While some sponges can prevent *some* diseases, they're only about 80% effective against pregnancy, so your best bet is the condom/sponge combo, which gives you Fort Knox security at a price you can afford.

  Roseanne : I'm telling Mom.

  Becky : [later]  Forget it, Mom, I'm still not going to do anything.

  Jackie Harris : Well *that* is 100% effective.

• Dan Conner : Have you talked to Becky about birth control?

  Roseanne : No, she'll never get undressed in front of a boy, she thinks her butt's too big.