Quotes
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Roseanne Conner : The only women that give birth real fast, are like those big, fat Iowa women that don't even know they're pregnant in the first place.
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Jackie Harris : Roseanne, how is this gonna come out of *this*?
Roseanne Conner : Relax, Jackie. These have been coming out of *those* for millions and millions of years, you know? Muscles stretch. Bones break.
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Roseanne Conner : [at the hospital] What're you doing here?
Dan Conner : I came home for lunch and D.J. told me Jackie's water heater broke, I was halfway to her house to fix it when I realized what he meant.
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Roseanne Conner : So what'd the doctor say?
Jackie Harris : He said the baby's head has dropped and I'm 2 centimeters dilated.
Roseanne Conner : That's great. Did you lose your mucus plug yet?
Leon Carp : [disgusted] Ladies... these are customers!
Roseanne Conner : Not until we wait on them they ain't. Until then they're just people that want food.
[to Jackie]
Roseanne Conner : So did you?
Jackie Harris : I don't think so, what is it?
Roseanne Conner : Oh well it's this giant cushion of mucus that's blocking the way to the... what do you call it? Oh yeah, cervix.
Leon Carp : [aghast] And what next for the people dining here? Oh I know... take a hamburger bun, and loofah your butt!
Roseanne Conner : [laughs] Well just for that, Leon, you ain't getting any of our placenta homemade shampoo!
