- Becky Conner: When you first went out with Daddy, did you want to kiss him all the time?
- Roseanne Conner: Well, somebody had to. And you know me, work work work.
- Becky Conner: When did you know that you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him?
- Roseanne Conner: Oh, well, I ain't decided that yet.
- Roseanne Conner: I'll go to sleep when the girls get home.
- Dan Conner: Yeah, what about the trouble over in Johannesburg? Why don't you go solve the problems in South Africa?
- Roseanne Conner: Well I would if you'da fixed those nuclear warheads like I asked you to.
- Darlene Conner: You actually touch tongues?
- Roseanne Conner: Bet you can't wait for high school now, can you?
- Darlene Conner: If ANY guy puts his tongue in my mouth, I'll barf.
- Roseanne Conner: Well that'll be a great way to get asked on a second date.
- Becky Conner: What I do is my own business.
- Darlene Conner: What about what you do in front of 27 other people?
- Darlene Conner: [groans] Here comes the talk.
- Roseanne Conner: Well, kissing guys ain't all that bad, ain't that right, Becky?
- Becky Conner: [groans] Mother...
- Roseanne Conner: Just as long as it's something you want to do and you're not doing it to be cool or nothing.
- Dan Conner: Six weeks isn't that long.
- Roseanne Conner: It's almost a 9th of a year.
- Dan Conner: My God, you've done the math!
- Roseanne Conner: Darlene's going to be dating soon and Becky's practically married, and DJ's getting in his adult teeth.
- Dan Conner: This isn't about DJ and it's not about Darlene and it's not about Becky, this is about Roseanne, you're worried everybody's leaving you.
- Roseanne Conner: Well everybody *is* leaving me!
- Dan Conner: What do I look like? Why do you think that boat I've been building is only big enough for two people?
- Roseanne Conner: Because the garage is too small.
- Roseanne Conner: [crying] You know you're my best friend.
- Jackie Harris: [crying] Oh Roseanne, don't do this, don't get sappy.
- Roseanne Conner: But I want to get sappy.
- Jackie Harris: Okay, sap away.
- Roseanne Conner: You're going away forever.
- Jackie Harris: No I'm not, I'll be back before you know it.
- Roseanne Conner: Yeah, but you'll be different.
- Jackie Harris: But, maybe I'll be better.
- Roseanne Conner: But I like you the way you are now... even though you don't have any rugs.
- D.J. Conner: [yelling over the vacuum cleaner] Mom, I'm going over to Joey's!
- Roseanne Conner: What for?
- D.J. Conner: TO PLAY!