- Lamar the Promoter: You can't win.
- Ronny Sammis: Can't win? What are you talking about? This is a title match!
- Lamar the Promoter: Well, you bet it's a title match. And you boys are "the Russians". Now, how the hell is it going to look to the American public to have a couple of communists be the world champion?
- Ronny Sammis: But we're not from Russia, we're from Arkansas!
- Lamar the Promoter: I know that. You know that. But John Q. Public don't know that. To him, you represent the epitome of evil - something to be destroyed!
- Dr. Sam Beckett: If this was the thrill of victory, I didn't want to be around for the agony of defeat.
- [Carl Shilo has caught his wife Sherry with Sam in a compromising situation]
- Admiral Al Calavicci: I've been doing some checking, and it turns out Mrs. Sasquatch here gets her jollies from watching her hubby dismember other men on her behalf.
- Dr. Sam Beckett: What?
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Yeah, she's left a trail of broken necks from coast to coast.
- Dr. Sam Beckett: [to Sherry] You set me up!
- Sherry Shilo: Well, a girl's got to have a hobby.
- Dr. Sam Beckett: Can you believe it? I mean, can you believe how she set me up like that?
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Well, you know, there's women that get a big thrill out of watching men suffer. Trust me on this, I've been married to most of them.
- Ronny Sammis: [to the audience after Sam won a wrestling match as one of the Battling Rooskies] Shut up, you capitalist pigs!
- Admiral Al Calavicci: So, Lamar didn't do anything?
- Dr. Sam Beckett: Oh, yeah, yeah, he had the ring doctor check Ronny out.
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Oh, well, he must have, he must have picked up something.
- Dr. Sam Beckett: Uh-huh, uh-huh, he did. He picked up his medical bag right after he pronounced Ronny fit as a fiddle.
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Fit? This doctor must walk like a duck.
- Dr. Sam Beckett: What?
- Admiral Al Calavicci: Well, because he's a quack.