- Keith: Hi. Why does everybody look so glum?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Keith. I'm afraid you have a big problem.
- Keith: Oh, I do?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: Mm hmm. Little Gloria Hickey's in love with you.
- Keith: Is this a put-on?
- Laurie Partridge: Oh, afraid not, brother.
- Laurie Partridge: She's gonna ask you to the sixth grade dance.
- Keith: Poor Danny, does he know?
- Shirley Renfrew Partridge: No, and I don't want him to know. It would break his heart.
- Keith: What am I gonna do, I...
- Danny: Laurie, Mom, Mr. Kincaid. To Keith: HOME WRECKER!
- [He kicks him in the shin and runs]
- Keith: Ow! I think he knows!
- Reuben Kincaid: ...Danny, if there's anything you want to know about handling women, you want to get it from a real pro.
- Danny: Yeah, but I already asked Keith. He was no help.
- Reuben Kincaid: I was talking about myself.
- Danny: Mr. Kincaid, I know you're trying to cheer me up by making me laugh. Bless you.