The New Statesman (TV Series)

The Wapping Conspiracy (1989)

David Stoll: Judge

Quotes 

• House of Commons Speaker : Now, Mr. B'stard, you've heard the evidence of the manager of the Royal Excelcier Hotel, who saw you book in in the company of several underage girls.

  Alan B'Stard : [Slight chuckle]  Yes. I am the Parlimentary Advisor to the Young Lady's Recreational Association, and so, naturally, I wanted to find out what young ladies like to do for fun.

  House of Commons Speaker : And what did they do for fun on the night of May the 14th?

  Alan B'Stard : [Chuckling to himself]  They sang "Ging Gang Goolie".

  House of Commons Speaker : [Not amused]  "Ging Gang Goolie"?

  Judge : Didn't you ever go camping? If you don't know, it goes

  [singing] 

  Judge : Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha.

  Judge , Young Lady's Recreation Association Members : [singing]  Ging gang goo Ging gang goo Ging gang goolie goolie goolie goolie watcha...

  Judge : [Slamming down his gabel]  I don't think so!

  House of Commons Speaker : Thank you, my Lord, the court is alive to the sound of music.

• Judge : [Banging his gavel]  Silence in court!

  [Looks up from his papers and sees Piers trying unsuccessfully to sneak in] 

  Judge : Mr. Fletcher-Dervish, I presume?

  Piers Fletcher-Dervish : [Nervously]  I pray the court's indulgence, my lord. My train was hijacked by irate commuters and I was taken to Cop Foster's against my will. Have I missed much?

  Judge : Not as much as you're going to miss. I fine you one thousand guineas for contempt of court. Well, I think this is a suitable place to adjourn proceedings for this afternoon, as I have tickets for the lady's semi-finals at Wimbledon. Usher, the pictures please.

  [Takes a look at the pictures, gets a big smile on his face, and quickly puts the papers away]