- Fran Fine: When you fill out your taxes, what do you put in Marital Status: S or M?
- Maxwell Sheffield: S.
- Fran Fine: All right, so you told Uncle Sam you're single. Maybe it's time you told yourself.
- Maxwell Sheffield: But I want to be an M again.
- Fran Fine: Yeah, well, I want to be an M too. But first you got to get out there and make an S out of yourself.
- Maxwell Sheffield: [the power goes out in the elevator] Miss Fine, what're you doing?
- Fran Fine: I'm looking for the emergency phone!
- Maxwell Sheffield: *That's* not it.
- Fran Fine: Oh! Then I should probably quit talking into it.
- Sydney Mercer: [just after announcing she's a lesbian] Aren't you gay too?
- Fran Fine: [emphatically] Me? No!
- Sydney Mercer: I just assumed. You're over thirty, never been married, there's no man in your life.
- Fran Fine: Oh, honey, I'm not gay. I'm just pathetic.
- Grace Sheffield: [Maxwell is incredibly hung over] Daddy, are you sick?
- Maxwell Sheffield: No, no. I'm not sick. I'm fine, Margaret.
- Fran Fine: That's Gracie.
- Maxwell Sheffield: Oh.
- [aside, to Fran]
- Maxwell Sheffield: When did we have her?
- Fran Fine: Never mind when we had her, when can we start making another one?
- Maxwell Sheffield: Not a single woman at the party last night was interested in me.
- [folds hands over his lap]
- Fran Fine: Well maybe *that* had something to do with it.
- Maxwell Sheffield: [looks towards his groin] Excuse me?
- Fran Fine: Your wedding ring!
- Fran Fine: [climbs through the roof of the elevator] HEEEEELLLLP! Oh my God!
- Maxwell Sheffield: What, another rat?
- Fran Fine: Worse! There's an echo in here!
- [whines]
- Fran Fine: I just heard my *own voice!*