Mystery Science Theater 3000 (TV Series)

Women of the Prehistoric Planet (1990)

Joel Hodgson: Joel

Quotes 

• Doomsday Satellite : Welcome! You have passed through the first three thresholds of the Isaac Asimov Literary Satellite! Enter the disarm code or enjoy the consequences. Remember, this and all literary works of the last century are the sole property of Isaac Asimov and his many affiliates. Thank you for intruding, you have five seconds.

  Crow T. Robot : Quick Joel, cut EVERY wire!

  Joel : It's not gonna work, it needs an access code.

  Tom Servo : Try ego!

  Crow T. Robot : Sideburns!

  Joel : I'll try "I, Robot."

  Doomsday Satellite : [buzz]  I'm sorry, the correct entry would have been "copyright" you now have six nanoseconds to realize the consequences.

  Crow T. Robot , Joel , Tom Servo : [there is a cloud of smoke, when it clears Joel and the bots are babbling and have sideburns - they stop]  Huh?

  Joel : This cockamamie satellite's turned us all into duplicate Isaac Asimovs!

  Crow T. Robot : Hey, do you think it's a conspiracy?

  Tom Servo : Oh, no, I covered the conspiracy topic in my ten-volume history of assassinations and coups!

  Joel : This is TERRIBLE guys.

  Crow T. Robot : Oh, I don't know, at least now I'll have something to write about. You know, I've been thinking about annotating the Manhattan phone directory.

  Tom Servo : Oh, look, it's Commercial Sign. That'll fit nicely into my volume on the effects of advertising on the human psyche.

• Joel : [reading the manual to disarm the Isaac Asmov doomsday device]  Step One: It will be very enjoyable for you to separate the ocular filter coupling up from the decapacitor which is stout... and yellow sometimes." Crow, you better scan this and give me the instructions.

  Crow T. Robot : [scans for about a second]  Got it!

  Joel : Oh, brother...

  Crow T. Robot : Ooookaaay. "Most very kindly, find the Lookie Switch which is nice and sitting there with green label which leaves you singing."

  Joel : I *think* I got it...

  Crow T. Robot : Okay, "Carefully disregard and do not do the very wrong thing or much confusion will result"... tell me about it... "with sparks, flowers and loud report on some models."

  [pause] 

  Crow T. Robot : "Glue Bat-Man to CG detail omitted for clarity"?

  Joel : This is really confusing.

  Tom Servo : Who WROTE this, Charlie Callas?

  Crow T. Robot : Hey, oh! Oh, wait, there's more! It says uhhh... "Clip red wire likes you best with firm hand and glad heart... "

  Joel : Okay, I think that oughtta do it...

  [it sprays him with silly string] 

  Crow T. Robot : "... but first, clip the blue wire. Got you, scrawny man."