- [first lines]
- Ben: I know a lot of you out there are thinking that periodonture can be very boring subject, but in fact I'm here to tell you that it can be ve-very, mmmm, Michael, Michael, Michael, what's a hip word for "hip"?
- Michael: There is no hip word for "hip". Hip hasn't been "hip" for years.
- Ben: Yo, I'm jiggy with it.
- Michael: I told you to stop watching MTV.
- [about Nick]
- Ben: Why did we have him?
- Susan Harper: Because I didn't know that a quickie meant that you'd be that fast.
- Susan Harper: Nick forgot to pick me up from my audition. I had to get a lift with the three wise men. They kept getting lost!
- Susan Harper: Honestly, Ben, you have no appreciation for the arts.
- Ben: I love Jackie Chan.
- Susan Harper: Martial arts don't count!
- Susan Harper: Honestly, Ben, I don't know why you're being such a baby about seeing the dentist.
- Ben: Look, other dentists don't have my people skills and gentle touch.
- Susan Harper: Other dentists don't start their check-ups with the words 'Is it safe?' So you plan to live the rest of your life in pain?
- Ben: Worked for me so far.
- Ben: [after Susan switches off the TV] Oi! Oi! I was watching that!
- Susan Harper: I've seen it!
- Ben: I haven't!
- Susan Harper: Honestly, Ben, do you want to waste your life away in front of the telly or talk to me about my audition?
- Ben: Who says they're mutually exclusive?
- Michael: [Trying to get his ex-girlfriend back] She doesn't even know I'm alive.
- Janey Harper: Well, first, you've got to get her to notice you.
- Michael: How do you do that?
- Janey Harper: Why don't you sleep with her best friend?
- Michael: Her best friend is her pony.
- Janey Harper: The point is you've got to make her jealous. OK? Just find a girl to pretend she likes you. Or in your case, pay her.
- Michael: Abi, would you pretend to be my girlfriend?
- Abi Harper: That is disgusting!
- Michael: Why? Because we're related?
- Abi Harper: No, because you're a geek!
- Susan Harper: Your lines sound so dated!
- Director: Well, it *is* set 2,000 years ago!
- Susan Harper: So is 'Jesus Christ Superstar', but it didn't stop Lloyd Webber from adding guitars!