- Susan: What's wrong?
- Ben: I've had some bad news, I'm afraid. Mr Beamish died.
- Susan: Oh, I'm sorry.
- Ben: Yeah, I know. I know. I kind of miss him.
- Susan: Yes. Who's Mr Beamish?
- Ben: The chap who had the surgery upstairs.
- Susan: I didn't know there was anyone upstairs.
- Ben: That's why I'm going to miss him.
- Ben: Ah, Mikey! Mikey, Mikey, Mikey, Mikey!
- Michael Harper: My name's Michael.
- Ben: OK, I know! Big lad now - you don't want me to call you Mikey anymore?
- Michael Harper: I don't want you to talk to me at all.
- Michael Harper: I need to borrow the washing line tonight.
- Susan: Certainly, dear. What for?
- Michael Harper: Tying people up.
- Susan: You know, I really think the cadet force is making a man of him.
- Ben: Yeah. Unfortunately, that man is Benito Mussolini.
- Susan: What I'd thought we'd do is install a heated towel rail so the toilet will be toasty warm when Janey and the baby come to visit.
- Ben: So, let me get this straight. You want to install a heated towel rail on the off chance that an unborn baby of a child who never visits the house might be cold in a room that nobody uses.
- Susan: Is that a yes, then?
- Ben: It's a 'my wife's insane!'.
- Susan: Michael's learning new skills.
- Michael Harper: Yep. I've got the training. I've got the equipment. All I need now is the collapse of Western civilisation.
- Ben: Oh, kids today! They want everything now!
- Ben: [about Roger] You'll never guess who turned up at the surgery today. That chirpy, irritating little pillock who...
- Roger Bailey: [Emerging from under the kitchen table] Hello, Ben!
- Ben: [Unaware he was in the house] Hello, Roger!
- Roger Bailey: By the way, that Abi. Mmm... interesting girl.
- Ben: Don't even go there!
- Roger Bailey: Really? Why?
- Ben: [pause] She used to be a man!
- Roger Bailey: How long ago?