- Waldorf: Wow! Wonderful! Wonderful! That Bernadette Peters is terrific!
- Statler: Well, I reserve judgment.
- Waldorf: 'Til when?
- Statler: 'Til the pig tells me what to say.
- [Miss Piggy appears behind them]
- Miss Piggy: Bernadette Peters you can like.
- Statler: I loved her! I loved her!
- Miss Piggy: [suddenly angry] It's the mouse you gotta hate!
- Statler: I hated her!
- Waldorf: Terrible mouse!
- Statler: That was rotten!
- Waldorf: Boo!
- Statler: Boo!
- Robin the Frog: Ahem. Hello Miss Peters.
- Bernadette Peters: Oh, hello Robin. I didn't see you there.
- Robin the Frog: Yeah, most people don't. Listen, I'm running away from home, but I did want to see you and say goodbye.
- Bernadette Peters: Oh? You're running away? How come?
- Robin the Frog: Well, nobody notices me around here.
- Bernadette Peters: Oh really? I hadn't noticed.
- Robin the Frog: [Kermit has just told him to sing "I'm Five" instead of "They Call the Wind Maria". As he stalks off flailing his arms] This is outrageous! I'm going to call my agent! I'm going to call my lawyer!
- Kermit the Frog: [calls after him] I'm going to call your father!
- Robin the Frog: [returns] I'm going to go and learn this cute little song!
- Statler: Seriously, what did you think of Miss Mousey?
- Waldorf: I loved her.
- Statler: Me, too.
- Miss Piggy: [appearing behind them] What!
- Statler, Waldorf: [startled] No, we didn't!
- Miss Piggy: Thank you.
- The Newsman: Here's a Muppet News Flash. Dateline: The Muppet Show. It has been reported just moments ago that a large heavy object was dropped from the ceiling. Further developments will...
- [suddenly, a weight drops on his head]
- Scooter: Bernadette Peters. Fifteen seconds to curtain Miss Peters.
- Bernadette Peters: Thanks Scooter. Oh, and thank the Swedish Chef for sending me this lovely... chicken... sandwich.
- Chicken: [an unplucked and alive chicken is between the bread] Brawk!
- Bernadette Peters: Suddenly I'm not hungry.
- Sam The Eagle: [Sam has concluded telling the story of the Ant and The Grasshopper where the Ant got stepped on and the Grasshopper drove to Florida] Wait Wait Wait Wait Wait that was not in the script. Someone changed it we'll have to do it again oh.
- [Sam puts head down on the book]
- Statler: The Grasshopper drove to Florida.
- Waldorf: The Ant got stepped on.
- [They both laugh and Sam pops in to yell at them]
- Sam The Eagle: [Angry] Will you stop that?
- [Sam leaves]
- Waldorf: Why are they picking on us tonight?