The Muppet Show (TV Series)

Mummenschanz (1977)

Jim Henson: Kermit the Frog, Rowlf, Eel, Muppet Newsman, Waldorf

Quotes 

• Kermit : Uh, Miss Piggy, while I am flattered at this display of affection, allow me to remind you once again that I do not want you.

  Gonzo : [to Kermit]  Oh, good, then can I have her?

  [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand] 

  Miss Piggy : [to audience]  That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.

• Miss Piggy : Kermit? That was a low and dirty trick, setting up a date with me and Gonzo. Wasn't it?

  Kermit : Well... Well, Piggy, I suppose it was. Yeah, I'm sorry.

  Miss Piggy : Oh, really? Oh! How sweet of you to apologize so abjectly to your lover pig.

  Kermit : Well, that wasn't exactly an abject apology.

  Miss Piggy : [Gonzo has come up behind Piggy and is nuzzling up to her]  GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU JIVE GEEK!

  [to Kermit] 

  Miss Piggy : Kermit, now that you've begged for my forgiveness...

  [to Gonzo] 

  Miss Piggy : DON'T TOUCH ME, FREAK!

  [to Kermit] 

  Miss Piggy : Why don't we just kissy-poo and make up, my darling?

  [to Gonzo] 

  Miss Piggy : YOU'RE BREATHING ON ME!

  [to Kermit] 

  Miss Piggy : Kissy-kissy?

  Kermit : Uh, well... Well, Piggy, while I appreciate this offer of affection, I hope you'll understand when I tell you, as usual, that I do not want you.

  Gonzo : Oh, then, can I have her?

  Miss Piggy : [Miss Piggy karate chops both of them at once, one with each hand]  That is known as getting two turkeys with one chop.

• Waldorf : Bravo! Bravo!

  Statler : What are you bravo-ing about?

  Waldorf : That performance! It was first rate.

  Statler : Yes, it was good. But only one act I've ever seen deserved a bravo.

  Waldorf : Oh, really, who was that?

  Statler : Lady Beth Macintosh and her singing parakeet. I'll never forget her closing night at the Palace.

  Waldorf : Really? What happened?

  Statler : Well, she fell into a box of birdseed just before going on stage and she was pecked to death by the parakeet!

  Waldorf : That's a hard act to follow.

  Statler : Yeah, well, I was there and I cried.

  Waldorf : Really? What did you cry?

  Statler : Bravo! Bravo!

• Waldorf : That was a funny show.

  Statler : Yes, it was. I wonder if they meant it that way.

• The Newsman : Muppet News Flash! Dateline: Moscow. Sergei Lenovsky, whom the Russians claim is the world's oldest living human, celebrated his 196th birthday yesterday by taking a deep breath. Sergei has 96 children, 150 grandchildren, and 228 great-grandchildren, none of whom visit him. Said his youngest son, Leonid, "He smells funny."