- Lily Munster: [Grandpa and Herman are arguing] Oh stop it you two! You'll wake the dead again!
- Grandpa: That's right Lily, go right ahead, take his side. But I know what's going on, you just can't wait to see me in my grave.
- Lily Munster: Oh Grandpa, we've seen you there lots of times before.
- Lily Munster: [about Grandpa] Last time we had a family spat, he turned himself into a frog and lived under the porch for weeks.
- Herman Munster: Yes, and I've never seen him happier. He could croak every night.
- Herman Munster: I'm the one who let him go, I'll go get him. And don't worry dear, I'll bring him back, dead or alive.
- Lily Munster: Oh Herman, you're always so optimistic.
- Herman Munster: Lily, I feel terribly conspicuous dressed the way we are for such a shabby place.
- Lily Munster: Well, let's hope it'll be nicer inside and not one of those beatnik joints. If there's anything I can't stand, its weird people.
- The Woman: Excuse me deary, I was just admiring your ring.
- Lily Munster: Oh, thank you.
- The Woman: Oh, it's simply gorgeous. Rhinestone?
- Lily Munster: Oh, no, no, tombstone.
- The Night Club Manager: [watching the Munsters leave] Boy, there's a real showbiz family for ya. They even go home with their make-up on.
- Lily Munster: [watching Grandpa's magic act] His magic's been getting so rusty.
- Herman Munster: I know... The way he's been carrying on lately, he couldn't produce a rabbit on Easter Sunday.
- Eddie Munster: Mom! Dad! I found Grandpa in the newspaper.
- Lily Munster: Oh, not the obituaries again.
- Eddie Munster: No. His picture is in this ad. He's doing his magic act.
- Lily Munster: [reading the ad] "Domino Nightclub presents 'The Count'." Oh dear, I hope he doesn't try that-that... oh that fire-eating trick of his.
- Herman Munster: I certainly hope not. The last time he tried it, he got the hiccups. And before they could stop him, he burnt down the theatre.