- Lori Lansford: Ready to party! I'm gonna be so bummed if the neighbors don't call the cops on us.
- Reese Hardin: I don't think Robert Downey Jr. is gonna be calling any cops.
- Jacey Wyatt: Lori, we already told you we don't do big parties.
- Lori Lansford: You guys are movie stars, I mean you have to throw outrageous parties. It's part of the pact you signed with Satan!
- Jacey Wyatt: It's tough to stay grounded in this town. We're just trying to give you guys as normal an upbringing as possible.
- Apache Hardin: That's why you named us Apache and Moonglow?
- [Todd arrives with an enormous gift basket]
- Todd Hardin: It's my niece's birthday and I wanted her to know just how much she means to me.
- Lori Lansford: Uncle Todd, you didn't have to!
- Francine Hardin: He didn't.
- [Francine reads the card from the basket]
- Francine Hardin: "To Tom and Nicole. Keep the faith. We know where you live. The Church of Scientology."