Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk and the Very, Very Old Man (2003)
Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk
Quotes
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[Monk jumps onto a table to avoid a snake]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I thought you were afraid of heights.
Adrian Monk : Snakes trump heights. It goes germs, needles, milk, *death*, snakes, mushrooms, heights, crowds, elevators...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Okay, okay, I don't need the entire list.
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Adrian Monk : What time are you going to be home?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : What?
Adrian Monk : I said, what time are you going to be home?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I don't know. Why?
Adrian Monk : Well, I was thinking of making a pot roast for dinner. But I need at least an hour's warning.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I don't know, Monk, I'll call you.
Adrian Monk : Don't forget.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I won't forget.
Adrian Monk : That's what you said last night.
[Sharona and Randy snicker]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Shut up.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I don't mind living in your shadow, Monk, you're a freak of nature.
Adrian Monk : Thank you.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Monk, I'm going to say something I've wanted to say for a long time.
Adrian Monk : What is it?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I just solved the case.
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Stottlemeyer : [Monk and Stottlemeyer are examining an apartment. Monk notices a snake is missing from is missing from a cage and jumps onto a table in fear] Why don't you wait outside?
Adrian Monk : [quietly] Carry me.
Stottlemeyer : What?
Adrian Monk : Carry me. Please?
Stottlemeyer : No! Monk, I'm not gonna carry you!
Adrian Monk : Okay. I'll stay here. I'm fine. Can I have your gun?
Stottlemeyer : No. Not unless you plan on using it on yourself.
Adrian Monk : Maybe I will.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Know where I was today? I was at the Leveroni grave site. You remember that case?
Adrian Monk : Yeah, I think so... it was a hit-and-run, wasn't it?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Valedictorian, 19 years old, killed two blocks from his house. I always thought somebody would come forward.
Adrian Monk : Yeah, me too.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I mean, how can you live with yourself? You gotta tell someone.
Adrian Monk : The urge to confess...
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : It's the cop's best friend.
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[after the time capsule is opened]
Adrian Monk : Captain, I think you should read this.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [reading] "On December 7, 1998, I killed Darren Leveroni with my car. May God forgive me, because I will never forgive myself. Signed, Dennis Gammill."
[breathing heavily]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : The urge to confess...
Adrian Monk : It's the cop's best friend.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : First thing tomorrow, I am calling the Vatican, and I am nominating your late wife, Trudy, for sainthood! Because you are *impossible*!
Adrian Monk : The lines! They're all... diagonal! I have to live here!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Forget about the rug! This is not about the rug! You know what you are? Do you know what you are? You're the world's best marriage counselor! You could save every marriage in California! All people would have to do is live with you for two days! Two days, and they'd never complain about their spouse again!
