Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk and the Sleeping Suspect (2003)
Ted Levine: Stottlemeyer
Photos
Quotes
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Monk, I have known fifteen thousand criminals in my lifetime. Here's what they all have in common: THEY'RE CONSCIOUS!
Adrian Monk : Nonetheless.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Is your shrink coming back soon?
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Monk, give me something else, any theory at all besides the coma guy. If-if you were to tell me that Howdy Doody was behind this, it would make more sense.
Adrian Monk : [yelling] Howdy Doody? Why would Howdy Doody be sending people mail bombs? Wasn't he a puppet?
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Monk, he's a vegetable! He's not even a vegetable! He hopes one day to be a vegetable!
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[Monk and Sharona narrowly survived a bomb blast]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Okay, they pieced together enough of the package to get a postmark. It was mailed from Pacific Heights three days ago.
Lt. Randall Disher : Different post office, same type of explosive.
Adrian Monk : [yelling] Well, don't use that bathroom, it's a mess!
Sharona Fleming : You don't have to shout!
Adrian Monk : [still yelling] Why are you whispering?
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Agent Grooms : Captain? D.A. won't hold Ricky Babbage, I was hoping this might change your mind?
[no answer]
Agent Grooms : Oh, you can't be serious. You still think Rip van Winkle's behind this?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : We believe Brian Babbage is involved, yes. We just don't know how.
Agent Grooms : And by "we", you mean you and your "consultant"?
[They both look at Monk]
Adrian Monk : [yelling, due to lingering auditory effects of the bomb blast] Yeah, I'm pretty sure Howdy Doody was a puppet!
Agent Grooms : How was your career, Captain? Did you enjoy it?
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[Brian Babbage rams his car into Stottlemeyer's and Disher's]
Brian Babbage : Hey, cop! Kiss my ass!
[Brian gives them the finger, and then takes off]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [to Dwayne] Don't move!
[They jump into their car, as Dwayne ignores them and runs away]
Lt. Randall Disher : Can I be honest with you, sir?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [into radio] All units, clear the air, we're in pursuit of a hit-and-run, he's eastbound on Union...
Lt. Randall Disher : This is my first car chase. I've been waiting for this my whole life!
[He doesn't even get the car in gear, before a truck hits Brian's car and sends it crashing into a parked car. Stottlemeyer unbuckles his seat belt and turns off the dashboard light]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Chase over. What'd you think?
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : In twenty seconds, Agent Grooms is gonna come walking through that door, and he's gonna ask me what I think. Give me something else, for the love of God!
Lt. Randall Disher : Okay, wait. I have an idea. Maybe he had an accomplice.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yes. Somebody else mailed the damn thing. Why not?
Sharona Fleming : I already had that idea.
[to Monk]
Sharona Fleming : Tell him.
Adrian Monk : There was no accomplice. Why would Brian Babbage hire one? He didn't know he was gonna be in a coma.
Sharona Fleming : It's not exactly something you can plan.
Adrian Monk : Right. Anyway, why would an accomplice bother to go through with it? There was no reason to. The guy who hired him was in a coma.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : All right, so, Brian built the bomb... and then, Brian mailed the bomb... by himself.
Adrian Monk : That's right.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : ...While he was in a coma.
Adrian Monk : You gotta admit, it's a pretty good alibi. It's rock-solid.
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[first lines]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Dwayne, don't yank my chain.
Dwayne : Look, I told you, I haven't seen him.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : He's your cousin, he's your best friend.
Dwayne : Yeah, and I don't know where he is!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Dwayne, do I look like an idiot to you?
Dwayne : Yeah, you sort of do.
[Stottlemeyer raises an eyebrow]
Lt. Randall Disher : Oh, that's a mistake... you don't want to make him angry. I made him angry once, and you don't want to do that...
