- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, are you okay? Everybody's waiting.
- Adrian Monk: It's over there.
- Natalie Teeger: What?
- Adrian Monk: Dog... you know. Dog... doo.
- Natalie Teeger: Did you step in it?
- Adrian Monk: [looking at Natalie like she's crazy] If I stepped in it, I'd be in that ambulance right now, on my way to the Emergency Room, wouldn't I! Praying for the sweet release that only death can bring.
- Adrian Monk: [Marty Eels, a screw-up, is solving a case more efficiently than Monk] I think he's cheating. He's a cheater!
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: This isn't the fourth grade, Monk.
- Adrian Monk: He's cheating!