Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk and the Marathon Man (2002)

Bitty Schram: Sharona Fleming

Quotes 

• Tonday Mawwaka : Sorry to keep you waiting. Tonday Mawwaka.

  Adrian Monk : Adrian Monk.

  Tonday Mawwaka : Ah, Adrian! How nice to meet you.

  Adrian Monk : Sir, I-I have admired you ever since I was a very strong child...

  Sharona Fleming : Young child.

  Adrian Monk : Young child. This is Sharona, my-my-something.

  Sharona Fleming : I'm his assistant. It's an honor to meet you, Mr. Mawwaka.

  Tonday Mawwaka : Just call me Tonday. Please, come on. Let's sit. Make yourselves comfortable.

  Adrian Monk : Sir, I saw you run in Los Angeles in 1973.

  [Tonday laughs] 

  Tonday Mawwaka : The big comeback.

  Adrian Monk : Yeah.

  Tonday Mawwaka : I still don't know how I did it.

  Adrian Monk : Well, it changed my life.

• Trevor McDowell : [Trevor McDowell shoots a commercial in front of one of his furniture showrooms, playing a boxing referee]  Hey! It's me, Trevor McDowell. We've just opened a new furniture showroom right here in San Mateo, right off Route 101.

  [the bell dings] 

  Trevor McDowell : Break!

  [His two kids start a mock boxing fight in a mock ring] 

  Trevor McDowell : [to the camera]  Hey, listen, if your family's like mine, the furniture in your house takes a real beating! Okay, keep it clean! Keep it clean! Gloves up!

  [Monk, Sharona and Stottlemeyer arrive] 

  Trevor McDowell : That's why you need furniture that can go the distance. Isn't that right, honey?

  Mrs. McDowell : With low prices that'll knock you out!

  [One kid starts punching the couch] 

  Trevor McDowell : Like this couch.

  [pulls out a $799.99 sign] 

  Trevor McDowell : It's regularly $799, but with a quick jab from Tyler...

  [Tyler punches the sign] 

  Trevor McDowell : That old price is T.K.O.'ed! It's yours for only $649!

  [pulls out a $649.99 sign] 

  Adrian Monk : You see that lamp there? It's got...

  Sharona Fleming : No! Don't even think about it.

  Adrian Monk : But it's not...

  Sharona Fleming : Stop. Stop.

  Adrian Monk : It's supposed to...

  Trevor McDowell : ...Normally it's $1399, but with a mighty blow from Luke, here-

  [Luke punches the sign. McDowell pulls out a $1299.99 sign] 

  Trevor McDowell : Whoa! That old price is down for the count! It's yours for only 1299! Heavyweight furniture at featherweight prices! Tables! Chairs! Sofas! Lamps! Love seats! You name it!

  [Monk straightens the lampshade of a table lamp in the background] 

  Trevor McDowell : At McDowell's, if we can't beat the competition, we'll throw in the towel!

  Commercial Director : Cut! Cut!

  Trevor McDowell : What?

  Commercial Director : Who is that? Get him out of there!

  [a crew member ushers Monk away] 

  Adrian Monk : I'm sorry. It was a little-was I-okay, take two.

• Adrian Monk : That might have been me. There's a smudge. I think it's on your side. You can get it when you go back in.

  [offers the wipe to Stottlemeyer, but Sharona grabs it] 

  Sharona Fleming : I'm sorry.

  [Monk looks at Arthur through the window] 

  Adrian Monk : You think he's the guy?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : It's possible. He had a restraining order against him at one time, which apparently he honored. He says he was at home in bed at the time. I'd say he's a D+, a C-. What do you got?

  Adrian Monk : Trevor McDowell.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No, he was running the marathon. It checked out.

  [Randy enters the room] 

  Adrian Monk : I don't know how he did it, but he's the guy. I'll tell you why: Because Gwen was killed first, *then* she was thrown off the balcony. That's the key. Why would the killer draw attention to himself? There's only one reason: to establish the exact time of death. He wanted everyone to know precisely when she died. Why? Because he had an alibi. An airtight alibi.

  Sharona Fleming : What do you think?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : What do I think? I think it's not possible, because he was wearing a computer chip. And he passed all the checkpoints.

  Adrian Monk : I know. You're right. That's right.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Unless he took the chip off and passed it off to another runner.

  Adrian Monk : That's interesting.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah. Maybe he dropped it in another guy's pocket so it looked like he finished the race.

  Adrian Monk : That's very interesting. You are a genius.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Anything else I can help you with?

  Adrian Monk : Give-give him a wipe. Just give him one.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Smudge stays. You go.

• Adrian Monk : What do we have?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : We got a dead girl. She lives on the, uh, 21st floor. Either she slipped or she jumped or she had some help.

  Adrian Monk : [looking at Gwen Zaleski's body]  It was murder.

  Lt. Randall Disher : Yeah, it's a possibility.

  Adrian Monk : No, no, it was definitely murder.

  Lt. Randall Disher : [sighs]  And how could you know that, Monk? You just got here.

  Adrian Monk : Her toenails. She was painting them, but she didn't finish that one. She was obviously interrupted.

  Lt. Randall Disher : Well, isn't that the style now?

  Sharona Fleming : [scoffs]  Like you know.

• Trevor McDowell : So, about Gwen. I heard about it on the news, but they said she was murdered. Is that true?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : That's true.

  Trevor McDowell : [sighs]  That's horrible. Do you have any leads?

  Adrian Monk : We're workin' on it.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : She was your girlfriend.

  Trevor McDowell : Yes, sir. I really screwed up big time.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : How long have you been screwing up?

  Trevor McDowell : I met her two years ago. She was an actress in one of my commercials. She was the girl in the waterbed.

  Sharona Fleming : Oh, my God. I remember that one. Yeah, yeah, I liked that commercial.

  Adrian Monk : You're a natural in front of the camera.

  Trevor McDowell : Oh, thank you.

  Adrian Monk : Do you drink tea, Mr. McDowell?

  Trevor McDowell : Uh, sometimes, yes.

  Adrian Monk : Chamomile tea?

  Trevor McDowell : No.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : The building manager said you'd been paying her rent. He also said you called him a month ago to say that you would not be renewing the lease.

  Trevor McDowell : That's correct. I was trying to break it off when I realized I made a mistake. My family's my life. Gwen understood that.

  Adrian Monk : Did she?

  Trevor McDowell : I thought she did. We talked about it.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Do you have an alibi for 7:55 this morning?

  [Trevor chuckles] 

  Trevor McDowell : 7:55, I would have been on... Haight Street.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Anybody see you there?

  Trevor McDowell : Oh, yes, about a thousand people. See, I was running in the marathon.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You realize we have several ways to verify that.

  Trevor McDowell : Good, because the sooner you clear me, the sooner you can catch the bastard who did this.

• Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : [interrogating Arthur, Gwen Zaleski's ex-husband]  Mr. Zaleski, how about I call you Arthur?

  Arthur Zaleski : Well, you can call me whatever the hell you want.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Good. How long were you and Gwen married?

  Arthur Zaleski : Four years.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : She walked out, and you still loved her.

  Arthur Zaleski : Sure, I had feelings for her.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I bet you did. Then she picks up with the dinette furniture salesman. TV guy. That's humiliating. You were jealous. You became furious.

  [Monk starts to try to wipe a smudge off the mirror] 

  Lt. Randall Disher : I'd feel the same way.

  Arthur Zaleski : I don't like this, being here.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You're not supposed to like being here, Arthur. This is an interrogation room. It's not a sports bar.

  [Monk turns to Sharona] 

  Adrian Monk : I need a wipe.

  Sharona Fleming : Why?

  Adrian Monk : Do you have a wipe?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : So, why were you harassing your ex-wife? We've got the phone records, Artie. You were calling her twice a day. I don't call my wife twice a day.

  Arthur Zaleski : I was worried about her.

  Lt. Randall Disher : You call it "worried". The judge called it "stalking".

  Arthur Zaleski : That was three years ago.

  [Monk is using a moist towelette and making a squeaking noise as he tries to rub the smudge off the window. Stottlemeyer has to speak over the squeaking noise] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : What happened, Arthur? You went over there to talk, right? You lost your temper trying to talk to her? Everybody has a temper.

  Arthur Zaleski : What is that? What is that noise?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Excuse me. Come on.

  [He leaves the room to talk to Monk] 

  Lt. Randall Disher : Okay, one more time from the top. So, how long were you and Gwen married?

  Adrian Monk : How's it going in there?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : It's going great, except he wants to know what the little squeaky noise behind the mirror is.

• [Monk and Sharona are at Tonday Mawwaka's hotel] 

  Sharona Fleming : You know, I read an article about this hotel. You know how much a suite costs?

  Adrian Monk : Huh?

  Sharona Fleming : $2,000 a night. You said Tonday was a simple, quiet man, like a poet.

  Adrian Monk : So?

  Sharona Fleming : So, how many poets could afford to stay here?

  Adrian Monk : What are you saying?

  Sharona Fleming : I'm saying that he could have made some extra money helping a rich furniture salesman kill his mistress.

  Adrian Monk : Shh! That is not possible, okay? It is off the table. End of discussion.

  [Sharona looks at the fruit basket on Tonday's coffee table] 

  Adrian Monk : Don't touch anything.

  Sharona Fleming : You're telling me not to touch anything?

  Adrian Monk : That's Tonday's fruit.

• Adrian Monk : [Monk and Sharona are trying to recreate Trevor McDowell's timetable for the murder. Monk is wearing new sneakers from Tonday]  Let it go. It's a coincidence.

  Sharona Fleming : You think it's just a coincidence that your hero, Tonday, drinks chamomile tea?

  Adrian Monk : Yes, I do. I love these sneakers.

  Sharona Fleming : Oh, I see, I see. Whenever I think of something, it's just a coincidence. Whenever you think of something it's a work of genius.

  Adrian Monk : Exactly. It was McDowell. He did it.

  Sharona Fleming : How?

  Adrian Monk : Don't know yet.

  Sharona Fleming : Okay. Well, according to this video, Tonday came through here at 47 minutes and 15 seconds, and McDowell was a few seconds behind him.

  Adrian Monk : Amazing. Am I touching the ground? Because I don't feel the ground.

  [runs in circles around Sharona] 

  Adrian Monk : Did I mention these were a gift from my friend Tonday?

  Sharona Fleming : What are you doing?

  Adrian Monk : I'm running circles around you. That's how fast I am.

  Sharona Fleming : Oh, you think you're faster than me, huh?

• Sharona Fleming : [Monk and Sharona have reached a bridge]  Okay, after this point, McDowell is no longer visible on the tape.

  Adrian Monk : This is it. It's a blind spot right here. You see how the path curves? No room for spectators. If he timed it right, he'd be completely alone. He could duck behind those bushes. Nobody would miss him. When were they here?

  Sharona Fleming : Um, one hour and five minutes into the race.

  Adrian Monk : Start the watch. We're gonna time this out.

  [Sharona does so. They walk behind the bushes] 

  Adrian Monk : Stop the stopwatch.

  Sharona Fleming : What is it?

  [Monk picks at some blooms on the grass] 

  Adrian Monk : Smell it.

  Sharona Fleming : Ooh, no.

  Adrian Monk : It's chamomile. We'll have the lab check for traces at the crime scene.

  Sharona Fleming : What was he doing here?

  Adrian Monk : Changing his clothes. Start the stopwatch.

  [Sharona does so. Monk bends over and acts like he's changing his clothes] 

  Sharona Fleming : What are you doing?

  Adrian Monk : Changing my clothes. Would you mind? Please.

  [Sharona reluctantly looks away as Monk "removes" his pants] 

  Adrian Monk : Then he had to get across town.

  Sharona Fleming : Oh! There's a road over there.

  [They head down there] 

  Sharona Fleming : He couldn't have parked here. This street was blocked off on Sunday, remember? He couldn't have parked anywhere.

  Adrian Monk : Well, maybe he didn't drive.

  Sharona Fleming : Then how did he get across town?

  [Monk points at a cable car stop a few feet away. Cuts to Monk and Sharona riding the cable car up the hill] 

  Adrian Monk : How are we doing?

  Sharona Fleming : 17 minutes 20 seconds.

  [Monk gets pushed by a passenger] 

  Sharona Fleming : Why don't you sit down?

  [Monk shakes his head] 

  Sharona Fleming : Well at least hold the pole.

  [more headshaking] 

  Sharona Fleming : How do you explain this? I touch everything you're afraid to touch, and I never get sick.

  Adrian Monk : I can't explain it. It's inexplicable.

  Sharona Fleming : No. You're inexplicable. So are you gonna tell me?

  Adrian Monk : What?

  Sharona Fleming : Why you quit running. You said there was an incident.

  Adrian Monk : Uh, ancient history.

  Sharona Fleming : Come on. You know you're gonna tell me.

  Adrian Monk : Okay, fine. May 2, 1974.

  [Cuts to a flashback and a young Monk stretching] 

  Adrian Monk : Our high school track team. We had a great year. We made it to the All-State conference. It was the biggest day of my life. It was all tied up. It came down to the last event: the 1500 meter. Everyone was depending on me.

  [the referee raises the starting gun] 

  Adrian Monk : But just before the gun. I looked down and my laces were, you know, uneven.

  [the referee fires the starting gun and everyone takes off, but Young Monk is still at the starting line redoing his laces] 

  Adrian Monk : It was the first time that I had a problem like that in public.

  [as the other runners finish their first lap, Monk throws his shoes in the garbage. End flashback] 

  Adrian Monk : Never ran again.

  Sharona Fleming : That must have been terrible.

• Sharona Fleming : Oh, my God. I love this chair. It vibrates.

  Adrian Monk : Sharona, we are not here to shop. This is our primary suspect.

  Sharona Fleming : Well, maybe we can get a primary suspect discount.

  [Trevor McDowell spots them] 

  Trevor McDowell : Well, well, well! If it isn't Mr. Monk and... Sharona, am I right?

  Sharona Fleming : Yeah.

  Trevor McDowell : What can I do for you?

  Adrian Monk : Do you have a minute, sir?

  Trevor McDowell : I have all the time in the world. As a matter of fact, there's a sale on all the convertible sofas in stock if you're interested.

  Adrian Monk : No, thanks.

  Trevor McDowell : I'll make you a great deal. Free home delivery.

  Adrian Monk : We're not here to shop.

  Sharona Fleming : Although, if it turns out you're innocent. I'd-I'd like to talk to you about that recliner.

  Adrian Monk : Sharona.

  Sharona Fleming : Um-do you know Tonday Mawwaka?

  Trevor McDowell : I know of him. I've never met him, I believe he was running behind me for most of the race.

  Adrian Monk : We checked the records. You never turned in your computer chip.

  Trevor McDowell : I forgot. And then later I misplaced it.

  Adrian Monk : You're crooked.

  Trevor McDowell : I beg your pardon?

  [Monk walks over and straightens a life-size cardboard cutout of McDowell] 

  Adrian Monk : Show him the picture.

  [Sharona shows Trevor a photo of him at the finish line] 

  Sharona Fleming : Is that you at the finish line?

  Trevor McDowell : Yes.

  Sharona Fleming : You ran 26 miles, and you're not sweating?

  Trevor McDowell : I don't sweat that much. You know, some runners don't sweat at all. Is that everything?

  Adrian Monk : But here's what's been bothering me.

  [shows McDowell a photo of him from earlier in the race. We can clearly see that the top part of his shirt is drenched in sweat] 

  Adrian Monk : This is you around Mile #5. Look at your shirt. It's completely drenched. Here's what happened: You had a problem. Her name was Gwen Zaleski. She didn't want to break it off. Maybe she threatened to tell your wife everything-

  [straightens out another life-size cutout of McDowell] 

  Adrian Monk : -And ruin your perfect little world. So, you disposed of her. You tossed her off the balcony like a bag of garbage.

• [first lines. We see several views of the quiet city, and then see the starting gun for the marathon going off] 

  Sportscaster : [voiceover, overlaid with clips of marathon runners]  And there's the starting gun, kicking off the 25th annual Chronicle Marathon, San Francisco. Over 6,000 runners in the race today, and it is perfect running weather. And there is Tonday Mawwaka, number 534.

  [We see Tonday, #534, followed closely by Trevor McDowell, #549] 

  Sportscaster : What a story he is. The legendary "Proud Lion". He's a two time Olympic champion, and he's come all the way from his homeland of Nigeria to run in today's event, which he's referred to as his final lap. Of course, Tonday's threatened to retire before, but if this does turn out to be his valedictory race, it'll be quite a day to remember. Of course, we'll be checking in with his progress all through our continuous coverage of the marathon.

  [Monk, wearing a baseball cap, and Sharona arrive on one of the streets] 

  Sharona Fleming : Two cameras?

  Adrian Monk : Yeah. In case one breaks. Where is he?

  Sharona Fleming : Well, he won't be near the front. I mean, you know, he's 65 years old.

  Adrian Monk : Sixty-three. He's my idol. Did I mention that?

  Sharona Fleming : About a million times.

  Adrian Monk : No, seriously, Tonday Mawwaka is the greatest runner who ever lived. I saw him run in Los Angeles in 1973. He was 400 yards behind with less than a mile to go. He had nothing left, and somehow he just-he just found it. It was the most amazing finish. I can't believe you never heard of him.

  [spots a man with an askew sweater] 

  Sharona Fleming : What?

  Adrian Monk : That man. He missed a button.

  Sharona Fleming : Don't worry about it, okay? Come on, just have fun.

  Adrian Monk : 63 years old, he's still running the marathon. I've got to get into shape.

  Sharona Fleming : No, you're in great shape.

  Adrian Monk : Nah, I used to be. Now if I can't find the remote control, I just watch whatever's on.

  [focuses his camera in on the man with the askew sweater] 

  Adrian Monk : Look at him. How can he stand it? Hold on to this.

• Adrian Monk : I had a life before we met.

  Sharona Fleming : I know you had a life. I just didn't know it involved gym shorts and showering with other guys.

  Adrian Monk : I didn't shower with other guys. I had a note from my doctor.

  Sharona Fleming : I bet you had lots of notes from your doctor.

  Adrian Monk : As a matter of fact, I did. I had a whole, separate binder.

• Sharona Fleming : You should have ignored the stupid sweater.

  Adrian Monk : It was askew.

  Sharona Fleming : So what? So what? Why can't you just let people be askew? I mean, what are you, the Askew Police?

  Adrian Monk : Yes, I'm the Askew Police.

• Sharona Fleming : You couldn't tell me over the phone?

  Adrian Monk : I wanted to see your face light up when I told you.

  [Sharona glares at him] 

  Adrian Monk : Okay, I'll take a rain check on that lighting up thing.