Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk and the Astronaut (2006)
Ted Levine: Captain Leland Stottlemeyer
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Randall Disher : [after demonstrating his very unbelievable escape pod theory] It's just a theory.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No, I don't think so. I've heard theories before, and, uh, they don't sound like that.
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Lt. Randall Disher : [to Steve Wagner] Congratulations on your flight. And congratulations on the crash landing four years ago. And on marrying a figure skater.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Yeah. Congratulations on your whole life.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Okay, maybe you found a motive. Maybe. But it doesn't matter, and I'll tell you why. Because your suspect, Monk, was in outer space. He wasn't on this planet.
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Lt. Randall Disher : [makes a model of a spaceship] Here's the ship. And let's pretend this globe represents the Earth.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : It's a globe. It *does* represent the Earth.
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Natalie Teeger : You can't just take mail from somebody's porch.
Darrell Cain : Yeah, you can if it's fruit. The law doesn't apply to fruit because it's perishable.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Actually, sir, the law does apply to fruit.
[turns to Disher, who is eating a nectarine from the box]
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Are you eating one?
Lt. Randall Disher : Nope. I was just putting that back.
[throws the nectarine back into the Fruit of the Month box]
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Adrian Monk : [to Natalie] Why don't you ask the Captain?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Whatever it is, thank you for asking, but I can't do it.
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Lt. Randall Disher : Good work, sir!
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : You don't have to sound so surprised, Randy.
Lt. Randall Disher : Oh, I'm not surprised. Awestruck.
[pause]
Lt. Randall Disher : Awestruck.
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Don't be, and that's an order.
Lt. Randall Disher : You're ordering me not to be awestruck?
Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : That's right. Stand over there and don't be awestruck.
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Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Now maybe we should take a minute and see if we can think of a better alibi.