Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk and the 12th Man (2003)

Billy Gardell: Ian Agnew

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ian Agnew : Thank you for seeing us.

  Ian Agnew : Oh, I don't mind. I don't get many visitors. So what can I do for you?

  Adrian Monk : Mr. Agnew, we were wondering about your accident.

  Ian Agnew : Please, sit down.

  [appears to have a rather sudden reaction, like he is thinking] 

  Sharona Fleming : [concerned]  Ian, I used to be a nurse. Is there anything I can do?

  Ian Agnew : No, thank you. Comes and goes. It's the pipe.

  [points to it] 

  Ian Agnew : I have a piece of pipe in my head.

  [pauses] 

  Ian Agnew : I don't get many visitors! Please sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!...

  Adrian Monk : Sir, about your accident.

  Ian Agnew : Ah, the accident. I really don't remember much about it. We were building a cabana near the pool for the Babcocks. And I was working on the roof and there was a tile loose. And the next thing I knew, I woke up and I was a human smokestack.

  [laughs] 

  Ian Agnew : I'll get it!

  [picks up the phone] 

  Ian Agnew : Hello! Hello! Must be the wrong number.

  [to Monk and Sharona] 

  Ian Agnew : How's that coffee?

  [then to the floor] 

  Ian Agnew : BAD DOG!

  [then back to Monk and Sharona] 

  Ian Agnew : I haven't worked since.

  Adrian Monk : Huh. How did you get the job?

  Ian Agnew : Mrs. Babcock hired me. Although by the time I had started, she wasn't there anymore. They split up, she ran off, I never got the full story. I dealt mostly with her husband, Stew. I'll get it.

  [He picks up the phone again, about to talk to an imaginary caller] 

  Ian Agnew : You know, I just changed my phone number, and it doesn't seem to help. I don't get many visitors!

  Sharona Fleming : Did you go to the trial?

  Ian Agnew : I testified.

  Sharona Fleming : Did you spend any time with the jury?

  Ian Agnew : No, ma'am. I wish I had. I wanted to thank them, they were very generous. I don't get many visitors!

  [singing] 

  Ian Agnew : "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do!"

  [then to a spot on the floor] 

  Ian Agnew : BAD DOG!

  [then back to Monk and Sharona] 

  Ian Agnew : You know what I think I miss the most?

  [points to the pipe] 

  Ian Agnew : Not having this pipe in my head. I have to take this.

  [picks up the phone again] 

  Ian Agnew : Hello. Hello.

  Sharona Fleming : [to Monk]  I believe you're not the craziest man in the world.

  Ian Agnew : [talking to the imaginary caller]  How did you get this number?

  Adrian Monk : We'll let ourselves out.

  Ian Agnew : Tell me who this is RIGHT NOW!

  [Monk and Sharona walk out] 

  Ian Agnew : Well I don't believe that for a minute!