Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk and the 12th Man (2003)

Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ian Agnew : Thank you for seeing us.

  Ian Agnew : Oh, I don't mind. I don't get many visitors. So what can I do for you?

  Adrian Monk : Mr. Agnew, we were wondering about your accident.

  Ian Agnew : Please, sit down.

  [appears to have a rather sudden reaction, like he is thinking] 

  Sharona Fleming : [concerned]  Ian, I used to be a nurse. Is there anything I can do?

  Ian Agnew : No, thank you. Comes and goes. It's the pipe.

  [points to it] 

  Ian Agnew : I have a piece of pipe in my head.

  [pauses] 

  Ian Agnew : I don't get many visitors! Please sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit! Sit!...

  Adrian Monk : Sir, about your accident.

  Ian Agnew : Ah, the accident. I really don't remember much about it. We were building a cabana near the pool for the Babcocks. And I was working on the roof and there was a tile loose. And the next thing I knew, I woke up and I was a human smokestack.

  [laughs] 

  Ian Agnew : I'll get it!

  [picks up the phone] 

  Ian Agnew : Hello! Hello! Must be the wrong number.

  [to Monk and Sharona] 

  Ian Agnew : How's that coffee?

  [then to the floor] 

  Ian Agnew : BAD DOG!

  [then back to Monk and Sharona] 

  Ian Agnew : I haven't worked since.

  Adrian Monk : Huh. How did you get the job?

  Ian Agnew : Mrs. Babcock hired me. Although by the time I had started, she wasn't there anymore. They split up, she ran off, I never got the full story. I dealt mostly with her husband, Stew. I'll get it.

  [He picks up the phone again, about to talk to an imaginary caller] 

  Ian Agnew : You know, I just changed my phone number, and it doesn't seem to help. I don't get many visitors!

  Sharona Fleming : Did you go to the trial?

  Ian Agnew : I testified.

  Sharona Fleming : Did you spend any time with the jury?

  Ian Agnew : No, ma'am. I wish I had. I wanted to thank them, they were very generous. I don't get many visitors!

  [singing] 

  Ian Agnew : "Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer, do!"

  [then to a spot on the floor] 

  Ian Agnew : BAD DOG!

  [then back to Monk and Sharona] 

  Ian Agnew : You know what I think I miss the most?

  [points to the pipe] 

  Ian Agnew : Not having this pipe in my head. I have to take this.

  [picks up the phone again] 

  Ian Agnew : Hello. Hello.

  Sharona Fleming : [to Monk]  I believe you're not the craziest man in the world.

  Ian Agnew : [talking to the imaginary caller]  How did you get this number?

  Adrian Monk : We'll let ourselves out.

  Ian Agnew : Tell me who this is RIGHT NOW!

  [Monk and Sharona walk out] 

  Ian Agnew : Well I don't believe that for a minute!

• Sharona Fleming : Oh my god! Adrian, do you know what Kenny just did? He took care of all my parking tickets.

  Adrian Monk : He's like Superman.

• [Monk and Sharona arrive at the toll plaza] 

  Adrian Monk : Handcuffed?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Handcuffed and tied to about 70 feet of rope.

  Sharona Fleming : Oh my god!

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : And then he was dragged, west 7/10ths of a mile. I just saw the body, or what's left of it. The M.E. says he's never seen anything like it. There's no end to it.

  Adrian Monk : What do you mean?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : I mean this is #9. Nine bizarre murders in the past two weeks. Every time my beeper goes off, my heart skips a beat.

  Adrian Monk : Any connection?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No, no connections at all. I mean, four have been men, five women. All different ages - Latino, white, black.

  Adrian Monk : And the M.Os?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : All different. There's been a couple of shootings - all different weapons, a hit-and-run, a drowning, an electrocution. It-It's like a full moon every night.

  Adrian Monk : And you're sure that the cases have absolutely nothing in common?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Well they have one thing in common, Monk: we can't solve them. I swear, there's something in the water here.

• Adrian Monk : [about the 11 victims]  What do they have in common?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Absolutely nothing.

  Adrian Monk : Exactly. They have... nothing in common. Some are rich, some poor, different ages, races, occupations... Captain this is a very diverse group. They are... too diverse.

  Sharona Fleming : "Too diverse"?

  Adrian Monk : I'm talking statistics. You'd have to work hard, really hard, to find a group this different. Plus, look at this. The blue pins indicate where they lived, right?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Yeah.

  Adrian Monk : The murders took place all over the Bay Area, but the victims all lived in Marin County. What are the odds of *that*?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Go on, go, go, go, go...

  Adrian Monk : A diverse group... all registered to vote... you know where you find a group like that?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Yes, yes! On a jury!

  Disher : Yeah, yeah, yeah, hang on, hang on...

  [checks his computer] 

  Disher : He's right. They all served together on the same jury six years ago.

  Adrian Monk : A jury.

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : On a jury.

  [he kisses Monk on the cheek, then runs out to rally the task force] 

• Adrian Monk : [Monk is looking at lineup of murder suspects]  Number 1, you have some lint on your jumpsuit.

  [Number 1 searches for the lint] 

  Adrian Monk : Number 2, could you help number 1?