- [watching Sharona lose on purpose to her new tennis partner]
- Benjy Fleming: Why do girls do that?
- Adrian Monk: Someday you'll understand... when you do, call me and explain it to me.
- [finding sacks of quicklime missing from the groundskeeper's shed]
- Adrian Monk: Did you move those pallets?
- Groundskeeper: They don't belong *there*.
- [Monk measures the height of the pallets relative to the window]
- Adrian Monk: They were short.
- Groundskeeper: A short gang of lime thieves?
- Adrian Monk: It's a nutty world.
- [last lines]
- Sharona Fleming: No. No. Forget it. No more vacations. The next time you try to make me take a vacation, I *swear* I'm quitting.
- Sharona Fleming: [pause] I can't believe I just said that.
- Adrian Monk: You seem upset.
- Sharona Fleming: I am upset!
- Adrian Monk: You know what you need?
- Sharona Fleming: No. Shut up.
- Adrian Monk: Vacation!
- Sharona Fleming: Shut up!
- Adrian Monk: I tried doing that once, making every minute count. It gave me a headache.
- Sharona Fleming: What doesn't?
- Benjy Fleming: Mom, you owe me an ice cream sundae...
- Sharona Fleming: Oh...
- Benjy Fleming: We had a bet. She said you wouldn't come outside, even once.
- Adrian Monk: Oh, ye of little faith.
- Sharona Fleming: What did you find?
- Adrian Monk: Zilch. It was the cleanest room I've ever seen.
- Sharona Fleming: Really?
- Adrian Monk: I'd stay there.
- Sharona Fleming: Wow... look, Adrian, I hate to say it, but maybe he did make it all up.
- Adrian Monk: Why would he do that?
- Sharona Fleming: To impress you. Maybe he's trying to get your attention.
- Benjy Fleming: [standing a short distance away] You're talking about me, aren't you? I saw what I saw.
- Adrian Monk: He saw what he saw.
- Benjy Fleming: Listen, I wanted to say thanks.
- Adrian Monk: For what?
- Benjy Fleming: For believing me when nobody else did. Though you probably just felt sorry for me 'cause my dad's not around.
- Adrian Monk: Hey, I don't have to be your father to believe you. Or to be proud of you. If you say you saw a body, then something happened here. And I'm gonna find out what it is.
- Adrian Monk: Okay, for the record, what we just did...
- Benjy Fleming: Breaking and entering?
- Adrian Monk: Yeah. It's wrong. Don't-don't do it.
- Adrian Monk: [Monk has found an Employees Only door] Who has the key to this door?
- Tony Landis: The entire staff. About 180 people.
- Rita Bronwyn: Are you thinking inside job?
- Adrian Monk: Maybe it's that comedian. Wouldn't that be great?
- [spots powder on the floor]
- Adrian Monk: Do you have a piece of paper?
- Tony Landis: No.
- Adrian Monk: Isn't that a notepad in your pocket?
- [Tony reluctantly hands his notepad over to Monk. Monk picks up a bit of the powder and sniffs it]
- Rita Bronwyn: It's lime?
- Adrian Monk: It's calcium oxide-quicklime.
- Tony Landis: What's that supposed to mean?
- Adrian Monk: It's used to cover up smells. Smugglers use it to fool drug-sniffing dogs.
- Rita Bronwyn: Oh! I've seen the mob use it when they try to hide a body.
- Adrian Monk: You've seen the mob use it?
- Rita Bronwyn: I mean, in that movie Goodfellas I saw it.
- Adrian Monk: Actually, this is good news.
- Tony Landis: How so?
- Rita Bronwyn: Because it means the body's still in the hotel, right? So that means we have to keep checking every bag going out.
- Tony Landis: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're time is up. We had a deal.
- Rita Bronwyn: Oh, come on. The deal is off, Tony! Work with us here. If they get rid of the body, we have no case.
- Tony Landis: I'll give you until noon tomorrow. You'll be checking out then anyway. Tick! Tick! Tick!
- [leaves]
- Adrian Monk: God, I hate it when people go, "Tick, tick, tick."
- Chuck Byrn: It's very hot. Unbelievably hot. It didn't say in the brochure this place was located five blocks from the Sun, did it?
- [laughs from the audience]
- Chuck Byrn: Oh, I went down to-
- [Monk begins fussing with the nut bowl]
- Chuck Byrn: I saw the strangest thing on the beach. I was down there, walking around on the beach and-oh, my God. That's the guy. I saw that guy on the beach today.
- [points at Monk]
- Chuck Byrn: And you know what he was wearing?
- [Sharona's jaw drops]
- Chuck Byrn: The exact same thing he's wearing right now! I couldn't believe it. How are ya? What's your name, sir?
- Sharona Fleming: Adrian! Don't tell him.
- Chuck Byrn: Adrian? That's his name.
- [He walks over towards Monk and turns to Sharona]
- Chuck Byrn: That's a nice whisper, I didn't pick up on it at all. Very quiet. Very effective.
- [He reaches Monk]
- Chuck Byrn: Adrian's your name. Good to see you, Adrian. Thanks for coming down to the show. Let's give Adrian a big hand for coming down here, huh? Good to see ya. You kind of looked like a little bit like a vampire out there on the beach today.
- Adrian Monk: Um, I'm not a vampire.
- Chuck Byrn: Good thing. We're all gonna sleep better tonight knowing that. What are you doing here with the peanuts here, Adrian?
- [He's looking at the row of peanuts on the counter]
- Adrian Monk: This bowl had more, and I was helping to even them out.
- Chuck Byrn: Evening out the peanuts. It's an important job. I think we might have hit the jackpot, folks.
- [everyone laughs]
- Chuck Byrn: Get comfy, Adrian. We're gonna be talking to you for a little while.
- [quick cutaway to Benjy discovering the dead body in the video game machine]
- Chuck Byrn: Now, this is fascinating. You keep your socks in baggies.
- Adrian Monk: Uh, I really don't think it's that unusual.
- Chuck Byrn: You don't think it's that unusual? Really. Maybe we could ask around. Does anyone else here keep their socks in baggies?
- [Sharona still has her hands on her forehead]
- Chuck Byrn: No. Sorry, Adrian. I think you're a freak.
- [Monk starts to leave]
- Chuck Byrn: Whoa! Not so fast, Adrian. Not so fast. You don't leave a slot machine when it's paying off, my friend. All right? So, you brought your own soap to the hotel.
- Adrian Monk: That's right.
- Chuck Byrn: I guess because the hotel soap, that-that just wouldn't be clean?
- [Sharona's date fails to control his laughter]
- Chuck Byrn: Towels. Did you bring your own towels?
- Adrian Monk: Yes.
- Chuck Byrn: Sheets? Pillowcases?
- Adrian Monk: Of course.
- Chuck Byrn: Of course, yeah. You realize most people show up at hotels, they show up so they can steal that crap?
- [Monk starts to fuss with the microphone]
- Chuck Byrn: What are-what are you doing? What are you doing?
- Adrian Monk: Just-there was a little fuzz on it, a little lint.
- Chuck Byrn: [takes it back] Yeah, but that's my lint. You can't take my lint. That's my lint. That's my area. That's where-that's where I keep my lint. That's my safe lint spot. You really want to pull it off there, don't you? It's breaking you up inside, isn't it?
- Rita Bronwyn: [porters are searching peoples' bags] Oh, nothing. Doors are open. People can come and go as they please.
- Tony Landis: Well, how magnanimous of you.
- Rita Bronwyn: But we still have to search the bags.
- Tony Landis: Why?
- Adrian Monk: He's going to try and dispose of the body.
- Tony Landis: What body?
- Adrian Monk: Mrs. Fenimore.
- Tony Landis: And your theory is based on what?
- Adrian Monk: Benjy witnessed a murder. And I saw Mr. Fenimore flirting with another woman.
- Tony Landis: [scoffs] Most likely his assistant. Her name is Nicole Young. She comes with Mr. Fenimore and his staff here every year.
- Rita Bronwyn: Look, the point is Mrs. Fenimore is M.I.A. Tony, remember the last Christmas, that jewelry was stolen? You didn't listen to me. I believe you were reprimanded for that.
- Tony Landis: Fine! All right. You have one hour. After that, the siege is over, and we're back to normal.
- Rita Bronwyn: [on her cell phone] Yeah.
- Tony Landis: ...Or what passes for normal around here. Are you happy now?
- Adrian Monk: I'm never happy. Listen, I might have to stay an extra day or two until we get this sorted out.
- Tony Landis: Oh, impossible. Quite out of the question. We're overbooked as it is.
- [the hotel has been locked down]
- Tony Landis: Miss Bronwynn, this is not a penitentiary. You have to let these people come and go.
- Rita Bronwyn: I'm gonna let them go, Tony, as soon as we check out Room 401.
- Tony Landis: Do you know who is in Room 401? John Fenimore. The C.O.O. of the third largest brokerage house on the West Coast. He brings his staff here every year for a conference. How do we know the boy just didn't make it up?
- Adrian Monk: Oh, no. He's-he's a good boy. He doesn't lie.
- Tony Landis: All children lie.
- Adrian Monk: Not him. Not to me.
- Tony Landis: Well, of course, you would say that. You're his father.
- Adrian Monk: I'm not his father. His mother works for me.
- Rita Bronwyn: Tony Landis, this is Adrian Monk. Adrian is a former homicide detective. I just talked to his Captain in Frisco. He says we're lucky to have him.
- Tony Landis: Miss Bronwyn, these people are on vacation.
- Rita Bronwyn: Okay, Tony. Tell you what. Why don't you let 'em out and then you can tell the victim's family and the police why you let the murderer go?
- Tony Landis: Fine. Check it out. As discreetly and quickly and discreetly as possible.
- Adrian Monk: You-you said discreetly twice.
- [starts to fix Tony's collar]
- Tony Landis: Exactly. In fact, I'll say it again. Discreetly.
- Benjy Fleming: [looking through a telescope] Hey, look, I can see our room. And there's Mr. Monk's room...
- Sharona Fleming: Which one?
- Benjy Fleming: The first one. The one he couldn't stay in because it smelled funny.
- Adrian Monk: [Looking through telescope] Benjy, can you read lips?
- Benjy Fleming: I'm in sixth grade. I can barely read words.