Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk Takes a Vacation (2002)

Chuck Byrn: Self

Quotes 

• Chuck Byrn : It's very hot. Unbelievably hot. It didn't say in the brochure this place was located five blocks from the Sun, did it?

  [laughs from the audience] 

  Chuck Byrn : Oh, I went down to-

  [Monk begins fussing with the nut bowl] 

  Chuck Byrn : I saw the strangest thing on the beach. I was down there, walking around on the beach and-oh, my God. That's the guy. I saw that guy on the beach today.

  [points at Monk] 

  Chuck Byrn : And you know what he was wearing?

  [Sharona's jaw drops] 

  Chuck Byrn : The exact same thing he's wearing right now! I couldn't believe it. How are ya? What's your name, sir?

  Sharona Fleming : Adrian! Don't tell him.

  Chuck Byrn : Adrian? That's his name.

  [He walks over towards Monk and turns to Sharona] 

  Chuck Byrn : That's a nice whisper, I didn't pick up on it at all. Very quiet. Very effective.

  [He reaches Monk] 

  Chuck Byrn : Adrian's your name. Good to see you, Adrian. Thanks for coming down to the show. Let's give Adrian a big hand for coming down here, huh? Good to see ya. You kind of looked like a little bit like a vampire out there on the beach today.

  Adrian Monk : Um, I'm not a vampire.

  Chuck Byrn : Good thing. We're all gonna sleep better tonight knowing that. What are you doing here with the peanuts here, Adrian?

  [He's looking at the row of peanuts on the counter] 

  Adrian Monk : This bowl had more, and I was helping to even them out.

  Chuck Byrn : Evening out the peanuts. It's an important job. I think we might have hit the jackpot, folks.

  [everyone laughs] 

  Chuck Byrn : Get comfy, Adrian. We're gonna be talking to you for a little while.

  [quick cutaway to Benjy discovering the dead body in the video game machine] 

  Chuck Byrn : Now, this is fascinating. You keep your socks in baggies.

  Adrian Monk : Uh, I really don't think it's that unusual.

  Chuck Byrn : You don't think it's that unusual? Really. Maybe we could ask around. Does anyone else here keep their socks in baggies?

  [Sharona still has her hands on her forehead] 

  Chuck Byrn : No. Sorry, Adrian. I think you're a freak.

  [Monk starts to leave] 

  Chuck Byrn : Whoa! Not so fast, Adrian. Not so fast. You don't leave a slot machine when it's paying off, my friend. All right? So, you brought your own soap to the hotel.

  Adrian Monk : That's right.

  Chuck Byrn : I guess because the hotel soap, that-that just wouldn't be clean?

  [Sharona's date fails to control his laughter] 

  Chuck Byrn : Towels. Did you bring your own towels?

  Adrian Monk : Yes.

  Chuck Byrn : Sheets? Pillowcases?

  Adrian Monk : Of course.

  Chuck Byrn : Of course, yeah. You realize most people show up at hotels, they show up so they can steal that crap?

  [Monk starts to fuss with the microphone] 

  Chuck Byrn : What are-what are you doing? What are you doing?

  Adrian Monk : Just-there was a little fuzz on it, a little lint.

  Chuck Byrn : [takes it back]  Yeah, but that's my lint. You can't take my lint. That's my lint. That's my area. That's where-that's where I keep my lint. That's my safe lint spot. You really want to pull it off there, don't you? It's breaking you up inside, isn't it?