Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk Takes a Vacation (2002)

Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk

Photos 

Quotes 

• [watching Sharona lose on purpose to her new tennis partner] 

  Benjy Fleming : Why do girls do that?

  Adrian Monk : Someday you'll understand... when you do, call me and explain it to me.

• Adrian Monk : I tried doing that once, making every minute count. Gave me a headache.

• [finding sacks of quicklime missing from the groundskeeper's shed] 

  Adrian Monk : Did you move those pallets?

  Groundskeeper : They don't belong *there*.

  [Monk measures the height of the pallets relative to the window] 

  Adrian Monk : They were short.

  Groundskeeper : A short gang of lime thieves?

  Adrian Monk : It's a nutty world.

• [last lines] 

  Sharona Fleming : No. No. Forget it. No more vacations. The next time you try to make me take a vacation, I *swear* I'm quitting.

  Sharona Fleming : [pause]  I can't believe I just said that.

  Adrian Monk : You seem upset.

  Sharona Fleming : I am upset!

  Adrian Monk : You know what you need?

  Sharona Fleming : No. Shut up.

  Adrian Monk : Vacation!

  Sharona Fleming : Shut up!

• Adrian Monk : I tried doing that once, making every minute count. It gave me a headache.

  Sharona Fleming : What doesn't?

• Benjy Fleming : Mom, you owe me an ice cream sundae...

  Sharona Fleming : Oh...

  Benjy Fleming : We had a bet. She said you wouldn't come outside, even once.

  Adrian Monk : Oh, ye of little faith.

• Sharona Fleming : What did you find?

  Adrian Monk : Zilch. It was the cleanest room I've ever seen.

  Sharona Fleming : Really?

  Adrian Monk : I'd stay there.

  Sharona Fleming : Wow... look, Adrian, I hate to say it, but maybe he did make it all up.

  Adrian Monk : Why would he do that?

  Sharona Fleming : To impress you. Maybe he's trying to get your attention.

  Benjy Fleming : [standing a short distance away]  You're talking about me, aren't you? I saw what I saw.

  Adrian Monk : He saw what he saw.

• Benjy Fleming : Listen, I wanted to say thanks.

  Adrian Monk : For what?

  Benjy Fleming : For believing me when nobody else did. Though you probably just felt sorry for me 'cause my dad's not around.

  Adrian Monk : Hey, I don't have to be your father to believe you. Or to be proud of you. If you say you saw a body, then something happened here. And I'm gonna find out what it is.

• Adrian Monk : Okay, for the record, what we just did...

  Benjy Fleming : Breaking and entering?

  Adrian Monk : Yeah. It's wrong. Don't-don't do it.

• Adrian Monk : [Monk has found an Employees Only door]  Who has the key to this door?

  Tony Landis : The entire staff. About 180 people.

  Rita Bronwyn : Are you thinking inside job?

  Adrian Monk : Maybe it's that comedian. Wouldn't that be great?

  [spots powder on the floor] 

  Adrian Monk : Do you have a piece of paper?

  Tony Landis : No.

  Adrian Monk : Isn't that a notepad in your pocket?

  [Tony reluctantly hands his notepad over to Monk. Monk picks up a bit of the powder and sniffs it] 

  Rita Bronwyn : It's lime?

  Adrian Monk : It's calcium oxide-quicklime.

  Tony Landis : What's that supposed to mean?

  Adrian Monk : It's used to cover up smells. Smugglers use it to fool drug-sniffing dogs.

  Rita Bronwyn : Oh! I've seen the mob use it when they try to hide a body.

  Adrian Monk : You've seen the mob use it?

  Rita Bronwyn : I mean, in that movie Goodfellas I saw it.

  Adrian Monk : Actually, this is good news.

  Tony Landis : How so?

  Rita Bronwyn : Because it means the body's still in the hotel, right? So that means we have to keep checking every bag going out.

  Tony Landis : Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You're time is up. We had a deal.

  Rita Bronwyn : Oh, come on. The deal is off, Tony! Work with us here. If they get rid of the body, we have no case.

  Tony Landis : I'll give you until noon tomorrow. You'll be checking out then anyway. Tick! Tick! Tick!

  [leaves] 

  Adrian Monk : God, I hate it when people go, "Tick, tick, tick."

• Chuck Byrn : It's very hot. Unbelievably hot. It didn't say in the brochure this place was located five blocks from the Sun, did it?

  [laughs from the audience] 

  Chuck Byrn : Oh, I went down to-

  [Monk begins fussing with the nut bowl] 

  Chuck Byrn : I saw the strangest thing on the beach. I was down there, walking around on the beach and-oh, my God. That's the guy. I saw that guy on the beach today.

  [points at Monk] 

  Chuck Byrn : And you know what he was wearing?

  [Sharona's jaw drops] 

  Chuck Byrn : The exact same thing he's wearing right now! I couldn't believe it. How are ya? What's your name, sir?

  Sharona Fleming : Adrian! Don't tell him.

  Chuck Byrn : Adrian? That's his name.

  [He walks over towards Monk and turns to Sharona] 

  Chuck Byrn : That's a nice whisper, I didn't pick up on it at all. Very quiet. Very effective.

  [He reaches Monk] 

  Chuck Byrn : Adrian's your name. Good to see you, Adrian. Thanks for coming down to the show. Let's give Adrian a big hand for coming down here, huh? Good to see ya. You kind of looked like a little bit like a vampire out there on the beach today.

  Adrian Monk : Um, I'm not a vampire.

  Chuck Byrn : Good thing. We're all gonna sleep better tonight knowing that. What are you doing here with the peanuts here, Adrian?

  [He's looking at the row of peanuts on the counter] 

  Adrian Monk : This bowl had more, and I was helping to even them out.

  Chuck Byrn : Evening out the peanuts. It's an important job. I think we might have hit the jackpot, folks.

  [everyone laughs] 

  Chuck Byrn : Get comfy, Adrian. We're gonna be talking to you for a little while.

  [quick cutaway to Benjy discovering the dead body in the video game machine] 

  Chuck Byrn : Now, this is fascinating. You keep your socks in baggies.

  Adrian Monk : Uh, I really don't think it's that unusual.

  Chuck Byrn : You don't think it's that unusual? Really. Maybe we could ask around. Does anyone else here keep their socks in baggies?

  [Sharona still has her hands on her forehead] 

  Chuck Byrn : No. Sorry, Adrian. I think you're a freak.

  [Monk starts to leave] 

  Chuck Byrn : Whoa! Not so fast, Adrian. Not so fast. You don't leave a slot machine when it's paying off, my friend. All right? So, you brought your own soap to the hotel.

  Adrian Monk : That's right.

  Chuck Byrn : I guess because the hotel soap, that-that just wouldn't be clean?

  [Sharona's date fails to control his laughter] 

  Chuck Byrn : Towels. Did you bring your own towels?

  Adrian Monk : Yes.

  Chuck Byrn : Sheets? Pillowcases?

  Adrian Monk : Of course.

  Chuck Byrn : Of course, yeah. You realize most people show up at hotels, they show up so they can steal that crap?

  [Monk starts to fuss with the microphone] 

  Chuck Byrn : What are-what are you doing? What are you doing?

  Adrian Monk : Just-there was a little fuzz on it, a little lint.

  Chuck Byrn : [takes it back]  Yeah, but that's my lint. You can't take my lint. That's my lint. That's my area. That's where-that's where I keep my lint. That's my safe lint spot. You really want to pull it off there, don't you? It's breaking you up inside, isn't it?

• Rita Bronwyn : [porters are searching peoples' bags]  Oh, nothing. Doors are open. People can come and go as they please.

  Tony Landis : Well, how magnanimous of you.

  Rita Bronwyn : But we still have to search the bags.

  Tony Landis : Why?

  Adrian Monk : He's going to try and dispose of the body.

  Tony Landis : What body?

  Adrian Monk : Mrs. Fenimore.

  Tony Landis : And your theory is based on what?

  Adrian Monk : Benjy witnessed a murder. And I saw Mr. Fenimore flirting with another woman.

  Tony Landis : [scoffs]  Most likely his assistant. Her name is Nicole Young. She comes with Mr. Fenimore and his staff here every year.

  Rita Bronwyn : Look, the point is Mrs. Fenimore is M.I.A. Tony, remember the last Christmas, that jewelry was stolen? You didn't listen to me. I believe you were reprimanded for that.

  Tony Landis : Fine! All right. You have one hour. After that, the siege is over, and we're back to normal.

  Rita Bronwyn : [on her cell phone]  Yeah.

  Tony Landis : ...Or what passes for normal around here. Are you happy now?

  Adrian Monk : I'm never happy. Listen, I might have to stay an extra day or two until we get this sorted out.

  Tony Landis : Oh, impossible. Quite out of the question. We're overbooked as it is.

• [the hotel has been locked down] 

  Tony Landis : Miss Bronwynn, this is not a penitentiary. You have to let these people come and go.

  Rita Bronwyn : I'm gonna let them go, Tony, as soon as we check out Room 401.

  Tony Landis : Do you know who is in Room 401? John Fenimore. The C.O.O. of the third largest brokerage house on the West Coast. He brings his staff here every year for a conference. How do we know the boy just didn't make it up?

  Adrian Monk : Oh, no. He's-he's a good boy. He doesn't lie.

  Tony Landis : All children lie.

  Adrian Monk : Not him. Not to me.

  Tony Landis : Well, of course, you would say that. You're his father.

  Adrian Monk : I'm not his father. His mother works for me.

  Rita Bronwyn : Tony Landis, this is Adrian Monk. Adrian is a former homicide detective. I just talked to his Captain in Frisco. He says we're lucky to have him.

  Tony Landis : Miss Bronwyn, these people are on vacation.

  Rita Bronwyn : Okay, Tony. Tell you what. Why don't you let 'em out and then you can tell the victim's family and the police why you let the murderer go?

  Tony Landis : Fine. Check it out. As discreetly and quickly and discreetly as possible.

  Adrian Monk : You-you said discreetly twice.

  [starts to fix Tony's collar] 

  Tony Landis : Exactly. In fact, I'll say it again. Discreetly.

• Adrian Monk : [Looking through telescope]  Benjy, can you read lips?

  Benjy Fleming : I'm in sixth grade. I can barely read words.