Monk (TV Series)
Mr. Monk Goes to the Asylum (2002)
Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk
Photos
Quotes
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[Manny is climbing on the roof]
Adrian Monk : Be careful! There's a lot of gravity out there!
-
[Monk is in Dr. Lancaster's office]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Neurotriptyline, Mr. Monk. It's a very mild sedative. It's a little bit like warm milk. You do drink milk, don't you?
Adrian Monk : Never.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Ah well, you just have to take my word for it.
Adrian Monk : I'd rather not take any medication while I'm in here.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Why do you say that?
Adrian Monk : Because I don't need it. I shouldn't even be here. I know you-you probably have heard that before.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Why don't you grab a seat, and we'll talk about it?
[Monk looks at the two seats]
Adrian Monk : This... is a test, isn't it?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : What do you mean?
Adrian Monk : You want to see which chair I pick.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : No, Adrian. It's not a test. Just grab a seat.
[Monk sits in the left chair]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Oh, the left chair. Very interesting. Hmm. I'm just kidding. Relax. It's just a joke.
[Monk chuckles]
Adrian Monk : That's a marlin, isn't it?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Mm-hmm, that's right. It's one of two things I managed to catch in Mexico in '97.
Adrian Monk : What was the other?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Dysentry.
Adrian Monk : What about last week? Did you catch anything?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Pardon me?
Adrian Monk : You just got back from another fishing trip. You were in South America. Unless I'm wrong, which, you know, I'm not.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : I was in Argentina, but how did you know all that?
Adrian Monk : You have needle marks on your arm. It's obviously an inoculation. And your Inbox is pretty full.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : And South America?
Adrian Monk : The Customs seal on the cigar box. It's dated last week.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : But how did you know it was specifically a fishing trip?
Adrian Monk : You have a blister on the index finger of your right hand just above the knuckle.
[stands up and makes his way to the fishing rod]
Adrian Monk : On most fishing rods, the line chafes the index finger just above the knuckle.
-
[Monk enters a house and starts putting away his groceries, then calls Sharona]
Sharona Fleming : Hello?
Adrian Monk : Hi. It's me. Where do I keep the large casserole dish? I can't find it anywhere.
Sharona Fleming : Right of the sink, upper middle cabinet.
Adrian Monk : *Right* of the sink, upper middle, no. No, popcorn maker's in there.
Sharona Fleming : What is?
Adrian Monk : Popcorn maker.
Sharona Fleming : You don't have a popcorn maker.
Adrian Monk : I think I do; I'm looking right at it.
Sharona Fleming : Adrian, you're in the wrong house.
-
[last lines]
Adrian Monk : Good news. I'm seriously considering you for employee of the month.
Sharona Fleming : Thanks, boss. I'll see you tomorrow.
-
Sharona Fleming : He takes three showers every day with this star-shaped nozzle. This is the nozzle. And he needs a five watt night light for sleeping. Anything more, he won't sleep and dark-colored pillowcases.
Adrian Monk : Sharona?
Sharona Fleming : Nothing light, okay?
Adrian Monk : Sharona?
Sharona Fleming : What?
Adrian Monk : You're scaring the man.
Sharona Fleming : No, I'm not.
Adrian Monk : Well, you're scaring me.
Oliver : Ma'am, your friend's in good hands. I'm going to look after him personally. You can trust me.
Sharona Fleming : Mmm-hmmm.
Adrian Monk : See? I'm gonna be okay. You're worrying more than I am.
Sharona Fleming : Look. I can't protect you here, Adrian.
Adrian Monk : What could happen? It's a hospital.
Dr. Charles Kroger : This is all gonna be over before you even know it.
-
[Monk is led to his room]
Oliver : Here's your schedule. The events underlined are not optional. They're mandatory. It means you have to go.
Adrian Monk : I know what "mandatory" means.
Oliver : Lights out at 9 o'clock. Any questions?
Adrian Monk : Can I make a phone call?
Oliver : You're allowed one outgoing phone call everyday. Your time slot's 11:25 AM. If you're late, you're gonna have to wait till tomorrow. Do you want the door open or shut?
Adrian Monk : [indecisively] Shut. Um - uh, open. No, wait - shut. No. Oh - oh - oh...
[Oliver closes door behind him]
Adrian Monk : ...definitely open. Just open. Definitely open. Open.
-
[Monk and Manny see Dr. Lancaster in a Santa suit heading for the chimney]
Adrian Monk : I knew it.
Manny : Well, what's he doing?
Adrian Monk : He's going fishing.
[Dr. Lancaster lowers a fishing line from his office down the chimney]
Manny : For what?
Adrian Monk : The gun, Manny. He has to find it before the construction crew stumbles onto it. Then he'll get rid of it for good, and I'll never be able to prove any of this.
Manny : I love you, Santa!
[opens the window]
Adrian Monk : Manny.
Manny : Oh!
Adrian Monk : Manny. Manny, no. No.
[He stops Manny from crawling out the window]
Adrian Monk : No. No. Stay here. I need you to take pictures.
[Monk crawls out instead]
Manny : I don't understand what he's doing.
Adrian Monk : [to himself] Don't look down. Don't look down.
[He turns to Santa]
Adrian Monk : How's the fishing, Doctor?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Monk. How did you get up here?
Manny : Santa Claus!
[takes a picture]
Adrian Monk : This is why you put Manny in that room, 'cause you knew you could spend all night up here and nobody would ever believe he really did see Santa Claus.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Nobody but you, Monk, and who's gonna believe you? You're clinically insane, remember?
Adrian Monk : We'll find the gun, Doctor, right where you dropped it. And that's all the proof I'll need.
[the scene changes to a flashback of Dr. Lancaster hiding in the medical supply room]
Adrian Monk : [voiceover] You couldn't stand it. The board of directors gave your job to Dr. Gould. You killed him.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Dr. Gould?
[Dr. Gould turns around, and Dr. Lancaster quickly draws out his gun and shoots Dr. Gould three times. The doctor falls to the floor, dead. Cuts to Dr. Lancaster taking drugs out of the cabinet]
Adrian Monk : [voiceover] You stole some drugs to make it look like a patient did it.
[We see him leading Bill LaFrankie into the woods]
Adrian Monk : You needed a fall guy. LaFrankie fit the bill. You probably got LaFrankie all doped up, then lured him into the woods where the cops found him the next day. You only had one problem: the murder weapon. It was registered in your name.
[Dr. Lancaster drops the gun down the chimney]
Adrian Monk : You had to get rid of the gun before the cops showed up. And you found the perfect place to hide it.
[Flashback ends]
Manny : Hey! You can't talk to Santa Claus like that.
Adrian Monk : Manny.
[Manny slips]
Adrian Monk : Manny!
Manny : Santa! Help me!
[Dr. Lancaster finds the gun]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Well, well, well. What have we here?
[Monk tries to keep Manny from falling]
Manny : Wait a minute. You're not really Santa Claus.
[Dr. Lancaster points the gun at Monk]
Manny : Monk, be careful! He's not really Santa Claus.
[Dr. Lancaster pulls the trigger, but much to his shock, nothing happens]
Adrian Monk : Gun's been lodged in that chimney for four years. I'm guessing the chamber and the metal firing pin are completely oxidized.
-
Adrian Monk : You weren't?
John Wurster : No, sir. They never found the gun first of all. Plus, Bill LaFrankie was my roommate. He was a devout Buddhist. He wouldn't hurt a spider. Speaking of spiders, there was a guy here named Jim Robertello about two-two years ago. No. About three years ago. No, no, no. Two years-two or three-about two and a half years ago maybe.
Adrian Monk : It doesn't really matter.
John Wurster : It doesn't really matter how many years ago it was. But he had a spider named Jesse-Jesse the spider. And Jesse, everytime you played a Willie Nelson record, he would start dancing.
-
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Remember, this is supposed to be a self portrait. How do you feel about yourself? Look deep inside. There's no right or wrong.
[looks over one patient's work]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Very good. I love those eyes.
Adrian Monk : Excuse me, Doctor. Is there a sink nearby?
[Janie sighs]
Adrian Monk : I-I-I need to wash up.
Janie : Will you shut him up! He has been whining since he walked in here. It's too hot. It's too cold. I have charcoal on my hands!
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Jane, what did we talk about yesterday?
Janie : Controlling the urge to lash out.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Do you have something you wanna say to Mr. Monk?
Janie : [sighs] Sorry.
Adrian Monk : That's okay. I do have a little charcoal on my hands.
Manny : Dr. Lancaster, guess what I'm painting!
Everyone : Santa Claus!
Dr. Moris Lancaster : All right, all right.
[He looks at Manny's work]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Huh. Well, you know this is supposed to be a self-portrait.
[We see that Manny has painted a HUGE Santa Claus, with a tiny boy at his feet]
Manny : [points to the little boy] That's me.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Hmm. Why are you so small?
Manny : Everybody's small compared to Santa.
[Janie turns to Monk]
Janie : He actually sits up every night and waits for him.
Manny : I have a feeling he's on his way. It's definitely getting colder outside.
Janie : It's August, whackjob!
Dr. Moris Lancaster : It's all right. Back to work. Come on. Come on. Go ahead. Go ahead.
-
Adrian Monk : I went to the Stop & Shop, but instead of walking home up Divisadero Street, I-I turned left, and I walked down Trudy's old street to her house. Door was open, so I walked in.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : And how did you feel being in the house again?
Adrian Monk : Content. Not a care in the world.
John Wurster : Adrian, when did this urge begin to manifest itself?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : John, I'll run the therapy session today, okay?
John Wurster : Fair enough.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : And later, you and I can talk privately.
John Wurster : About Monk?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : No, about your tendency to overempathize.
John Wurster : I feel like I'm back in medical school again.
Manny : Dr. Lancaster, can I go next?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Just a minute. Just a minute, okay? Go ahead.
Adrian Monk : I, uh, I really feel sorry for the Haskells.
John Wurster : Who are the Haskells?
Adrian Monk : The couple that live in the house. Nick and Josie. Sweet people, and uh, I-
[turns to Janie]
Adrian Monk : -My wife had a necklace exactly like that.
-
Dr. Moris Lancaster : [scolding Monk in his office] Now, listen to me, Mr. Monk. Not only was Dr. Gould my colleague, he was my best friend. And I do not appreciate you joking about it.
Adrian Monk : I wasn't joking.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Mm-hmm.
[takes back the newspaper clipping about Dr. Gould's murder]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Do you know what delusion is? It's a false belief sustained despite clear evidence to the contrary.
Adrian Monk : [turns his attention to the fishing rod] The fishing line.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Pardon me? What?
Adrian Monk : There was a fishing line in this rod. Where did it go?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Well, what do you think happened to it? You think I used it to strangle somebody on the ward?
[Jane barges in]
Janie : Dr. Lancaster! I'm sorry to interrupt, but I heard he was in here.
[She confronts Monk]
Janie : Where is it?
Adrian Monk : What?
Janie : You know what! My necklace, the one you said reminded you of your wife. He stole it. I know he did.
Adrian Monk : This is ridiculous!
Janie : I took it off in the infirmary. That's the last time I had it. You were in there!
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Well, there's a simple way to solve this. Adrian, empty your pockets.
[Monk empties his pockets and the necklace is there]
Adrian Monk : Oh my god.
Janie : Thank you.
[snatches it]
Janie : VERY MUCH!
Adrian Monk : How did that get there? I swear I... don't remember taking it.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : I know you don't. I know.
-
Dr. Charles Kroger : You're going to be fine. They just want to spend 48 hours with you to observe and evaluate.
[Monk notices a broken sign board]
Adrian Monk : Gee, that "B" - it's broken. Looks like an "R".
[He starts to fix it]
Adrian Monk : It's all...
Dr. Charles Kroger : Adrian. Adrian. You're gonna have to take this thing seriously. Judge Hackman says you're lucky those people didn't press charges... or shoot you. Now, the-the director's name is Morris Lancaster. He's one of the top psychiatrists in the country.
Sharona Fleming : Morris Lancaster? Yeah. He's good. I saw him on CNN.
-
Adrian Monk : Be careful - there's a lot of gravity up there.
-
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Well, that's very impressive. We both have similar jobs. We both analyze clues and solve problems. Only you look outward, and I look inward. So, now. It's my turn. So, sit.
[Monk does so]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : What were you doing in Trudy's old house yesterday? Your late wife lived there for...
Adrian Monk : Yeah, I-I don't know why I go there.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Well, I'm gonna hazard a guess. I think you went there yesterday to cook Trudy dinner.
Adrian Monk : To cook, Tr-well, that's absurd.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Your file says that you're allergic to tomatoes. So, the chicken cacciatore was for her, wasn't it? And I'll bet you it was her favorite meal.
Adrian Monk : That's right.
[holds back his tears]
Adrian Monk : That's right.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : So-so, um, what was so significant about yesterday?
Adrian Monk : No. Nothing.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : August 12th. Unless I'm wrong-which, you know, I'm not, the date has some significance.
Adrian Monk : Our anniversary. Not our wedding anniversary. It was the day we met. It was the day we met.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : You know, it-it's not unhealthy or wrong to observe an anniversary, but we're gonna find a way for you to do it privately. Would that be okay?
Adrian Monk : Yes, please.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : I think that your analytical powers, they're dazzling. But I think you use them as a prop.
Adrian Monk : A prop?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : As a way to avoid dealing with your real problems. So, while you're here. Do me a favor. Don't be a detective. Let me be the detective. Okay?
-
[John is giving Monk the grand tour of the hospital]
John Wurster : This is the Monkey Room. Funny story about how it got its name.
Adrian Monk : What is it?
John Wurster : We don't know. We just know that there's a funny story.
-
John Wurster : [leading Monk around the Institute] The cafeteria closes at 7:00. It's buffet style. This is the Music Room.
[pointing down a corridor]
John Wurster : And if you go through these doors, down the hall, that'll take you to the infirmary.
[they reach another room]
John Wurster : This is the Monkey Room. Funny story about how it got its name.
Adrian Monk : What is it?
John Wurster : We don't know. We just know there's a funny story.
Adrian Monk : What's all this?
[They enter a section of the Institute that is undergoing renovation]
John Wurster : They're tearing down the old wall. They're bringin' it up to code. It's a pretty big project. I used to be in construction myself.
Adrian Monk : Before you became a cop.
John Wurster : Exactly. Yeah.
[They enter a hallway with pictures of past Directors on the wall]
Adrian Monk : Who's this?
[points at the first photo]
John Wurster : This is Doris Medford. She was the first director here. These are all the other directors.
[John points at each photograph]
John Wurster : Dead. Dead. Dead.
[John points at Dr. Morris Lancaster's photo]
John Wurster : Not dead... yet.
[a woman, Torch, passes by]
Torch : Hello, Wurster.
John Wurster : That's Torch. She burned her boyfriend's house down.
[They pass by the door to the Quiet Room]
John Wurster : This is the Quiet Room. Don't get sent here.
[They pass by the door to the Medical Supply Room]
John Wurster : Oh, boy.
Adrian Monk : What's this?
John Wurster : This is the Medical Supply Room. Gives me the creeps.
Adrian Monk : Why?
John Wurster : There was a murder here.
Adrian Monk : Oh, really. A murder.
John Wurster : An unsolved murder. Conrad Gould, the assistant director, well, he was killed right here four years ago.
Adrian Monk : Uh-huh.
John Wurster : He was a great guy. Gave me magazines. Playboys. Hey. Hey, maybe we can solve it together, huh?
Adrian Monk : Yeah, sure. Great. What happened, exactly?
John Wurster : Well, Dr. Gould was taking inventory, like he did every night. A patient named Bill LaFrankie was waiting for him.
[In a sepia flashback, Bill LaFrankie shoots and kills Dr. Gould in the medical supply room after Dr. Gould comes in while doing the rounds]
John Wurster : Capped him in the chest. Then he fled S.O.C.
Adrian Monk : "S.O.C."?
John Wurster : Yeah, "Scene of the crime". It's cop talk.
[In another sepia flashback, we see cops over LaFrankie's dead body in the woods]
John Wurster : They found him in the woods the next morning. He was dead. He shot himself up with Demerol.
Adrian Monk : Uh, I'm a little confused. Why would you call it an unsolved murder?
John Wurster : Well, I wasn't 100% satisfied with the official version.
-
Dr. Moris Lancaster : If anything, his behavior has deteriorated. We may have to keep him here longer than we thought.
Sharona Fleming : Well, how much longer?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : That's hard to say. It could be a month.
Sharona Fleming : A month?
[They examine Monk, standing out in the garden]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : It could be as long as a year. Adrian is bipolar. He's delusional and he's paranoid. He sees murder mysteries everywhere he turns. In fact, he's befriended another patient, and the two of them are trying to prove that Santa Claus really does exist.
Sharona Fleming : Santa Claus?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Mm-hmm. They went out on the roof collecting evidence. It would be funny if it wasn't so... dysfunctional.
[Dr. Lancaster and Sharona meet Monk]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Adrian, look who's here.
Sharona Fleming : Hey, boss. How you feelin'?
Adrian Monk : Ah, I feel good. I can't-I can't wait to go home.
Sharona Fleming : Well, we were just talking about that.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Adrian, would you mind if I showed your friend some of the artwork that you made yesterday?
[He shows some artwork]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Oh, here it is. Wait a minute.
[shows them a disturbed image of Trudy's grave]
Adrian Monk : Did I draw that?
Dr. Moris Lancaster : You don't remember? Isn't that Trudy's grave?
Sharona Fleming : Um, Dr. Lancaster said that you saw Santa Claus.
Adrian Monk : [scoffs] No, we didn't actually see him. Manny took a picture, but he lost the camera. But we found a piece of a red suit.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : We'd love to see it, Adrian.
[Monk looks through his pockets for the piece of Santa fabric that he found, but he finds it missing]
Adrian Monk : It was here. It was in here. A little piece of fabric, you know, of Santa's-Santa's, you know, suit. Okay, no, no. It was a piece of... fabric, and...
Sharona Fleming : Doctor? Can I talk to you privately?
Adrian Monk : Like... Santa's suit.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Sure.
[He and Sharona walk away]
Sharona Fleming : He's not himself. He needs me. Look, I could be here two, three times a week, okay? I still have my license. Maybe they can give me a job here.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Sharona, I know you mean well, but the less contact Adrian has with his old life, the better. You can write him a letter. You can bring him something from home. I'm sure he'd like that, but no visits.
[Sharona approaches Monk, who is looking under his bed]
Sharona Fleming : Look, Adrian. I-listen, I-I can't take you home right now.
Adrian Monk : Sharona, look at his shoes, just look at his shoes. They're smudged. Could be soot. Those are boat shoes. They're made for traction. And I think, he has been walking on the roof.
Sharona Fleming : Adrian, just try to listen to Dr. Lancaster, okay?
-
Dr. Moris Lancaster : [catching Monk in his office] There you are. I warned you not to play detective in my hospital.
Adrian Monk : This is Bill LaFrankie's file. There's no way this man killed himself like they said.
[Dr. Lancaster calls down the hallway]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : He's in here!
Adrian Monk : He suffered from belonephobia. He had a pathological fear of needles.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : You're a smart man. Let's see what kind of witness you are-
[grabs the file from Monk]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : -with a functioning IQ of 17.
[Oliver enters the room and grabs Monk]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Mr. Monk came here to try and kill me.
Adrian Monk : What? Wait.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : I think he needs some time in the Quiet Room, Oliver.
Adrian Monk : No. Wait!
Dr. Moris Lancaster : It's for your own good, Adrian.
[They lock him in the Quiet Room. Dr. Lancaster and Oliver enter]
Dr. Moris Lancaster : How much?
Oliver : Two c.c.'s of Thorazine.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Mm-hmm. Make it four.
Oliver : Four? Are you sure? He can't weigh more than 160 pounds.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Did you just graduate from medical school in the last 45 minutes?
Oliver : No, sir.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Then do what the hell you're told. Give this patient 4 c.c.'s of Thorazine.
Oliver : I gotta go upstairs and get some more.
Dr. Moris Lancaster : Make it quick.
