Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk Goes to a Wedding (2005)

Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk

Photos 

Quotes 

• [about the "police officer" at a bachelorette party] 

  Natalie Teeger : Mr. Monk, he's not a real cop. He's a stripper.

  Adrian Monk : I don't think so.

  Natalie Teeger : Didn't you see his badge? It says "Officer Feelgood."

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Monk, the guy's got dollar bills sticking out of his belt.

  [We see a view of the "stripper" and the wad of bills] 

  Adrian Monk : I thought he'd lost his wallet.

• Adrian Monk : [Monk and Stottlemeyer are looking through Adrian and Trudy's wedding album]  She was... wow.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Beautiful.

  Adrian Monk : I remember during the service she was crying so hard, she couldn't even say the words "I do". Have you ever seen anybody cry so much?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : That was you, Monk. And no, I have not.

• [looking at the body fished from the hotel mud bath] 

  Natalie Teeger : Who is he?

  Lt. Bristo : So far he's John Doe. No ID. We figure his wallet's still in the mud bath.

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : And I'm willing to bet that that is the same green mud you found on the floor of the car.

  Natalie Teeger : Is he the driver?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : No, not likely. According to the coroner, this guy died at least thirty-six hours ago.

  Adrian Monk : Captain... he's the wedding photographer! The one that's been missing.

  Lt. Bristo : How do you know that?

  Adrian Monk : [points]  The discoloration on his fingertips. It's caused by developer fluid. I've seen it in other photographers.

  [Stottlemeyer chuckles and shares a look with Bristo] 

  Lt. Bristo : I'm glad he's on our team.

• Nephew : [yells]  Stop it! He keeps touching my food!

  Adrian Monk : No, I wasn't. He just, he seemed a little confused. He's fine now.

• [Natalie notices Stottlemeyer taking photos] 

  Natalie Teeger : What are you doing?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Taking pictures. I overheard your mother say that the wedding photographer didn't show up so I volunteered. I borrowed this from one of the crime tech guys.

  Natalie Teeger : Why?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Because Randy says he might be able to identify the driver.

  Adrian Monk : Did he get a good look at him?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Yeah. Male Caucasian, medium build, red baseball cap, sunglasses. I figure I might develop these tonight, and maybe we'll get lucky.

  Natalie Teeger : You're undercover at my brother's wedding?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Look, I'm doing you a favor. It's either this or we file everybody upstairs one at a time.

  [changes the subject] 

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : Smile!

  [Monk and Natalie smile as Stottlemeyer snaps a picture of them] 

• Capt. Stottlemeyer : Blow out the candles, Lieutenant.

  [after a few moments, Randy blows out the candle on his birthday cake, and the "spittle shield" on the cake bursts into flames. Randy makes a futile attempt to use paper to put out the fire, causing much a show, until Stottlemeyer puts it out with a fire extinguisher. The cake is now completely ruined. Monk comes over to Randy and says] 

  Adrian Monk : Hey, happy birthday.

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : You know I might think about reconsidering that investment.

• [Stottlemeyer is showing photos of the wedding guests to Randy] 

  Lt. Randall Disher : No... no...

  Adrian Monk : Do you have one of Theresa?

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : The bride? Sure.

  [flips through the photos] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Uh... uh... well, there's the side of her head. That's weird, I don't have a good shot of her.

  [Monk looks up. They share a look, then Stottlemeyer nudges Randy] 

  Captain Leland Stottlemeyer : Hey, could it have been a woman?

  Lt. Randall Disher : [woozy]  I don't know... I guess so.

• [Randy has been hit by a car] 

  Natalie Teeger : How's he doing?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : A broken arm. A broken leg. Probably a couple of broken ribs. The suitcase took much of the blow, it could have been a lot worse.

  Natalie Teeger : Can he identify the driver?

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : He can't even identify me. I'll try again later.

  [to Monk] 

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : What have you got?

  Adrian Monk : [points to a spot on the ground]  Condensation. The air conditioner was running, and the humidity is what, about 70%? So that car was idling right here for about 20 minutes.

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : What, he was waiting for him?

  Adrian Monk : From the tire tracks right there, he must have peeled out at full speed.

  Capt. Stottlemeyer : What so he didn't even try to brake, or make the turn? Son-of-a-bitch! What happened? He was only here for an hour. Did he piss somebody off?