- [Natalie has been getting all kinds of special favors from one of the bellboys because she's "cute"]
- Adrian Monk: Boy, it's like you have superpowers.
- Natalie: It's a gift.
- Adrian Monk: And a curse?
- Natalie: No, just a gift.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: So, that means, if I'm drunk as a skunk, completely plastered... I'm as smart as you.
- Adrian Monk: Smarter!
- Adrian Monk: They look miserable.
- Natalie Teeger: They are miserable. You might be the happiest person here.
- [Behind them, a woman screams and jumps up and down in excitement at having won at a slot machine]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, where are my pants?
- Lt. Randall Disher: You threw them out the window.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Why did I do that?
- Lt. Randall Disher: One of the girls bet you a dollar you wouldn't.
- [Stottlemeyer looks down, and sees a dollar tucked in the waistband of his boxer shorts]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Looks like she paid off.
- Adrian Monk: There's an old saying: Don't change anything... *ever*!
- Natalie Teeger: [skeptical] That's an old saying?
- Adrian Monk: I've been saying it for years.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: [singing] Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, it's not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, she's always gone too long...
- [Natalie comes in and sees Stottlemeyer at the mic]
- Adrian Monk: Don't ask.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: [singing] ... anytime she goes away. Wonder this time where she's gone, wonder if she's gone to stay...
- Wanda the Barfly: Do the dance, you did a little dance.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: [singing] Ain't no sunshine, when she's gone. So, gone too long, anytime she goes away...
- Wanda the Barfly: Turn around, I wanna see your tush.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: [singing] I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know...
- Wanda the Barfly: Those are different pants, where're the jeans?
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: [stops] Look, lady, a deal is a deal. I sang the song, now tell me what I said last night.
- Wanda the Barfly: All you said was, "They don't match."
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: "They don't match"? What doesn't match?
- Wanda the Barfly: I don't know, you didn't say.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: Wait, wait, wait. Is that it? Is that all you got?
- Wanda the Barfly: Leland, sing it again. I just love the way you sing.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: [sighs] Thank you.
- [He goes over to Monk and Natalie]
- Adrian Monk: You were good.
- Capt. Stottlemeyer: Shut up.
- [Monk's trying not to look at the show girls on stage]
- Natalie Teeger: Mr. Monk, they're not naked.
- Adrian Monk: They're *naked-ish*!
- Natalie Teeger: [chuckles] Well, I can't argue with that. They are definitely naked-ish.
- [Randy's about to go back into the Casino]
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: Randy, give me the money. You'll get it back when we get home.
- Lt. Randall Disher: I'm not ten years old.
- Captain Leland Stottlemeyer: That's true. Give me the money!
- [snatches it out of Randy's hands so he can't lose anymore]
- Adrian Monk: You had a gambling problem?
- Natalie Teeger: Couldn't stop. I was a mess.
- Adrian Monk: But you walked away. How did you do it?
- Natalie Teeger: I had Mitch... How did you do it?
- Adrian Monk: I have *you*.
- Adrian Monk: What are you doing?
- Natalie: Pokin' around.
- Adrian Monk: You can't *do* that!
- Natalie: I can do anything I want. I'm cute.