Monk (TV Series)

Mr. Monk Goes to Jail (2004)

Tony Shalhoub: Adrian Monk

Photos 

Quotes 

• Adrian Monk : Spyder! You saved my life. Thank you.

  Spyder Rudner : I'm up for parole in about 50 years. If you're still around, why don't you come back and tell them all about it?

  Adrian Monk : I will.

• [Monk is investigating a prison] 

  Adrian Monk : I'm out of here. This place is like a prison.

  Sharona Fleming : It *is* a prison.

• Lody : You're gonna wish you were never born.

  Adrian Monk : Oh, I'm way ahead of you.

• Spyder Rudner : What are you in here for?

  Adrian Monk : Embezzlement. I'm doing a nickel. That's prison talk for five years,

  Spyder Rudner : No, it's not.

  Adrian Monk : [improvising]  It was in Lompoc. I was there for a while, but I got moved 'cause I was too much of a bad... ass.

  Spyder Rudner : [amused]  Really?

• Dale the Whale : The bomb that took Trudy from you was not intended for you. It was meant for her.

  [Monk sinks into a chair, stunned] 

  Sharona Fleming : Adrian...

  Adrian Monk : It was her they were after?

  Dale the Whale : I know you've always blamed yourself for your death. Now you don't have to. I absolve you, Adrian Monk. There's my good deed for the decade.

  Adrian Monk : Why? Why her?

  Dale the Whale : Oh, I can't help you there. You ever been to New York?

  Adrian Monk : No.

  Dale the Whale : Have Sharona pack your bags. That's where you'll find the man you're looking for. His name is Warrick Tennyson.

  Adrian Monk : Did... did he kill her?

  Dale the Whale : He was... involved. That's all I have.

• [the neo-Nazis corner Monk in the prison laundry, hiding in one of the dryers] 

  Adrian Monk : Just a second, I'm missing a sock here!

• Adrian Monk : [cornered in the rec room, Monk grabs a telephone]  Nazis in the rec room! We've got Nazis here! This is a Nazi alert!

  [the phone cord dangles, cut] 

• [Monk finds out which of the inmates stole Spyder's watch] 

  Adrian Monk : It was a few minutes off, I reset it for you.

  Spyder Rudner : I'll take care of them later. That was pretty impressive! How'd you know it was him?

  Adrian Monk : Well, I figured whoever stole your watch would have their sleeves rolled down so you wouldn't see it. There were only four guys in the whole yard with their sleeves rolled down, and he was the tallest one.

  Spyder Rudner : Why tall?

  Adrian Monk : The shelf in your cell was four feet from the bars. He's the only one who could reach it.

  Spyder Rudner : [grins]  You're pretty sharp.

• [a gang of neo-Nazis corner Monk in the rec room with shivs; he looks at one, with tattoos on one entire side of his body] 

  Adrian Monk : I'm guessing that was incredibly painful.

• Spyder Rudner : What happened to my bed?

  Adrian Monk : I made it.

  Spyder Rudner : Have you been touching my stuff?

  Adrian Monk : No... maybe a little. The sheets were all...

  Spyder Rudner : You are a dead man! I am gonna gut you like a fish!

  [He starts looking under the mattress] 

  Adrian Monk : Are you looking for your shiv?

  [Spyder stops and glares] 

  Adrian Monk : [lowers voice]  Are you looking for your shiv? It's in the book. In the binding, it's a much better hiding place.

  [Spyder grabs the shiv and starts to menace Monk, but stops] 

  Spyder Rudner : What'd you do to it?

  Adrian Monk : I re-taped it. I also sharpened it a little.

• Sylvia Fairbourn : Are you calling me a liar, Mr. Monk?

  Adrian Monk : I think I'm calling you worse than that.

• Adrian Monk : [looking at Biederbeck's luxurious jail cell]  It seems prison agrees with you, Dale.

  Dale the Whale : Well, why wouldn't it?

  [indicates his bloated body] 

  Dale the Whale : I've been inside this prison all my life.

  Adrian Monk : That's very poetic, Dale.

  Dale the Whale : Of course, it doesn't compare with the one you built for yourself.

• Adrian Monk : What is it you want, Dale? You said it was important.

  Dale the Whale : Well, there's the Adrian Monk we all know and love! Your fear is huge, but your curiosity is huger.

• [the warden is leading Stottlemeyer, Disher, Monk and Sharona along a row of cells. Several inmates hold mirrors on sticks outside the bars, to see what is going on] 

  Adrian Monk : [stops]  Excuse me a second. Wipe.

  [Sharona hands him one. Monk turns back and scrubs a smudge off one prisoner's mirror] 

  Prisoner : [surprised]  Thanks, man.

  Adrian Monk : You're welcome.