- [in a squad car, chasing a suspect]
- Adrian Monk: Is your seatbelt on?
- Sgt. Parnell: Yes, it is.
- Adrian Monk: Nice and tight? Blinkers! Blinkers!
- Sgt. Parnell: Do you understand this is a car chase?
- Adrian Monk: Left lane ends, two miles! Left lane ends, two miles!
- Adrian Monk: I play the clarinet... I played with Willie, you know, Nelson.
- Jonathan Davis: Nelson?
- Adrian Monk: I played with Willie Nelson, and now I'm just waiting for Detox
- [stuck on a long stretch of Highway 101, Julie warns that she has to go to the bathroom]
- Adrian Monk: No, no... don't do that. Not in the car.
- [gives her a ten dollar bill]
- Adrian Monk: I'll give you ten dollars to hold it in.
- Natalie Teeger: What are you doing? You can't pay a person not to pee!
- Adrian Monk: Best money I ever spent.
- Julie Teeger: Oh sure he can, it's called the free market. I learned about it in school. So, Mr. Monk... how much would you pay me not to throw up?
- [about ten minutes later, Julie hands back the ten dollar bill]
- Adrian Monk: What is this?
- Julie Teeger: I'm returning your money. I can't hold it in.