Mod Squad (TV Series)

Never Give the Fuzz an Even Break (1969)

Maurice Evans: Admiral Nathaniel Johnson

Photos 

Quotes 

• Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : You three are either very brave or very stupid, trying to take Nat Johnson!

  [looks expectantly at their blank faces] 

  Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : Do you mean to say you don't know who Nat Johnson is? Number one con man in the country! The best bunco artist in the business! Bah, you three kids, bungling amateurs! Let me tell you, Nat Johnson is still king of the hill!

  Pete Cochran : Mr. Johnson, we're sorry.

  Linc Hayes : We didn't know.

  Pete Cochran : What do we do now?

  Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : Go home and grow up!

• Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : Trust no one! Absolutely no one! That's my philosophy.

• Linc Hayes : Admiral, with a brain like yours, can you imagine what you would do in legitimate business?

  Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : What, and give up all the fun? Me chained to a desk? Have you ever seen an eagle in a cage? The most miserable creature on earth. But give him his freedom and he's a sight to behold, wheeling and soaring in the sky.

• Julie Barnes : When are you going to get tired of wheeling and dealing?

  Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : Every caper's a challenge! And more than that, I'm performing a highly useful moral function.

  Linc Hayes : Now, how do you figure that?

  Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : Everybody has a bit of larceny in him. If it wasn't for me, they'd never have a shot at it. After I've taken my marks, they become honest again. They've had a brief fling at crime, and I've made a profit. And consider this: I don't hurt people, except in their pride. And their pocketbooks.

  [winks and nudges Linc with his elbow] 

  Julie Barnes : You're beautiful, Admiral.

  Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : So are you, my dear.

• Admiral Nathaniel Johnson : [pouring beers for his three proteges]  All right, so I'm a con man. All human relationships are built on confidence. The public has confidence in the politician's promises so they elect him to office. The customer has confidence in the salesman's pitch, so he purchases the product.

  Linc Hayes : [raising his glass to the Admiral]  It's a watertight argument, Admiral.