- Buddy Pakeman: Nothing personal intended, I just want you to know I don't believe in doctors.
- Dr. Joe Gannon: It's all right. There are times when I don't believe in patients.
- Tod Marriott: [recovering from his gunshot to the neck] Feels like a cough drop went down the wrong way. Did they leave the bullet in?
- Connie: You have to talk to Dr. Gannon.
- Tod Marriott: That's how they run this shop, huh? Leave the bullet in till they check your credit.
- Connie: You ask Dr. Gannon.
- Tod Marriott: I'll let my old man do the asking. He's pretty good at that.
- Dr. Joe Gannon: What happened between you and that gun?
- Tod Marriott: One of us must have been loaded.
- Dr. Joe Gannon: How you feeling?
- Buddy Pakeman: I felt more comfortable laying under a German tank.
- Dr. Joe Gannon: You want something for the pain?
- Buddy Pakeman: Yes, I'd like a three-day pass so I can see how my girlfriend is making out. And I mean just that.
- Dr. Jeanne Bartlett: No use for our boys in blue?
- Tod Marriott: Oh, no, I'm very high on law and order. I don't use the word "pig" even when I order a pork chop.
- Tod Marriott: Look, what do you want me to say? That I've been led astray by loose women and barefoot communists? Nobody's responsible. Just me.
- Carl Marriott: I was half afraid you were going to blame it on me. I believe that is the prevailing fashion these days, isn't it?
- Tod Marriott: That's what they tell me.
- Carl Marriott: Failures blame their fathers, and the devious all blame it on mom.
- Tod Marriott: Y'know, I always figured if I couldn't be a lawyer, well, there just wasn't anything else.
- Buddy Pakeman: Oh, boy, your old man sure got you brainwashed! You know there's a whole swingin' world out there, nobody ever heard of a lawyer. Who says you gotta walk in somebody else's shoes? You can wear sneakers and still be king!