- Loren Belasco: Take those wet clothes, Morris. See if you can dry them out.
- Sam McCloud: Oh, that won't be necessary, it's just my old, sheepskin, here. It's been through much worse than that. Just stand it up anywhere.
- Tom Snyder: Ladies and gentlemen, the Tomorrow program is pleased to present for the first time on American television live, in person: Count Dracula. Good morning, Count.
- Loren Belasco: Good morning Tom, you're looking very well.
- Tom Snyder: I am not sure I like the way you're looking at me when you say that I am looking well. But I do appreciate you're taking time from what must be the middle of your day to be with us this morning.
- Loren Belasco: Yes, I have several delicious stops to make before morning.
- Tom Snyder: The first rays of dawn I trust you mean?
- Loren Belasco: Even in jest I take a dim view of daylight.
- Sam McCloud: Give it up, Belasco, you've got no place to go!
- Loren Belasco: You're wrong, policeman. I have a thousand years' head start on you!
- Sam McCloud: [McCloud and a cop are climbing up a bridge after Belasco] Hey Belasco! Give it up, you can't go any farther. You're an old man, Belasco, you can't handle this. Just hang on, I'll get a rope and get you down from there.
- Loren Belasco: Not necessary, policeman. You forget, I can fly.
- Cop: For him I'm risking my neck? I, I got four kids.
- Sam McCloud: [referring to Morris the butler] I've been around dead cats that make more noise than he does.
- Sam McCloud: [faced with Chris' stubbornness] You know, I once knew a Missouri mule that I could talk to easier.
- Loren Belasco: Cold... very cold...
- [moves closer to the fire]
- Sam McCloud: Why, I wouldn't stand too close to that fire there, that's hot enough to barbeque a four ton steer.
- Loren Belasco: Chill on a night like this penetrates back a thousand years.
- Chris Coughlin: You do have a reputation for getting your mouth and your six-gun mixed up.
- Sam McCloud: Now what do you mean by that?
- Chris Coughlin: By shooting it off to the press.
- Sam McCloud: Really?
- Chris Coughlin: Really.
- Loren Belasco: [the 'Count' takes Chris Coughlin's hand] You're hand is very warm.
- Tom Snyder: Easy now, Count, there'll be no snacks here on the air, we'll have something sent in if you're hungry.
- Loren Belasco: After all I am a direct descendent of the Baron Exiton Von Dracula of Transylvania. Wouldn't you say that a man who denies his own heritage would be doomed to everlasting damnation?