- Charlie Verducci: Times have passed us by. Women today don't understand that we need to fall asleep after sex. We have to.
- [after a few minutes of dialogue]
- Al: Wait, Charlie. I was thinking about what you said. I don't have to fall asleep after sex. I want to fall asleep after sex. I welcome the darkness.
- Kathleen Morgan: Well, I can see by your shirt that you've been sampling our meatballs.
- Charlie Verducci: And I can see by your shirt that you got mighty powerful buttons.
- Charlie Verducci: You're not aloud in the men's room, are you?
- Kathleen Morgan: Of course not.
- Charlie Verducci: Good. Then that's where I'll be.
- Vinnie Verducci: Don't worry about your lost TV set, Mr. Bundy. I'll buy you a new TV when I get the money. I got myself a new job.
- Charlie Verducci: Yeah, share my pride. He's a busboy! Al... you're not much more then a busboy. My kid is at a difficult stage in his life where he might turn into a you. Can you have a talk with him? Give him some words of encouragement to what to do with this life.
- Al: Whatever job or career you choose, don't marry. Don't marry! Marriage is only good for the woman. They steal a man's youth, his paycheck, and his dreams. Oh, and then their butt gets big. They get so fat until you die from suicide or a heart attack, and then their butt get small and skinny again until the next guy comes along to marry them and then it's full circle.
- Vinnie Verducci: Don't worry, Pop. There are plenty of opportunities out there for a smart guy like me.
- Charlie Verducci: [sarcastic] Oh, definitely, definitely. You think you're smart? Name any one of the Great Lakes.
- Vinnie Verducci: Lake Fulbert. Remember? That lake up in Wisconsin where we traveled to on summers back when I was younger and where you taught me how to swim. That was a great lake.
- Charlie Verducci: You are going to find a rich woman to marry. And even if you don't, good things happen when you're around money. Money gives money good jobs. Money gives money stock tips. And let's face it, what's the worse that could happen? Money could run over us with it's car. Then, we sue Money's ass!
- Mona Mullins: Hi Vinnie.
- Vinnie Verducci: Hi Mona.
- Mona Mullins: Vinnie, could you tell your father that my mother needs everything in her apartment fixed... right now?
- Vinnie Verducci: Everything in her apartment? Why?
- Mona Mullins: Because then we can spend the next two weeks in here, all alone.
- [Vinnie looks at Charlie sitting nearby who makes a gesture to get rid of her]
- Vinnie Verducci: Mona, why don't you come back a little later?
- Mona Mullins: Really? When?
- Vinnie Verducci: When you're no longer a fellony.
- Vinnie Verducci: You know Pop, you and Mom were a lot alike. Too bad you couldn't make your marriage work. One of the last things she said to me before she walked out on us was: "Son, whatever you choose to be in life... be more than your father".