- Jefferson D'Arcy: Congratulations. What are you gonna do with all the money?
- Al Bundy: I'm gonna quit my job, burn down this house, and live out my days on Hooter Island.
- Griff: I haven't eaten anyone! I don't even like ribs. Call my ex-wife.
- Female Detective: We did. She said she once caught you pouring chocolate syrup on her best friend.
- Gary Coleman: [as a reverend] For the 37th time, Bundy, do you take this woman to be your wife?
- Al Bundy: For the 37th, 8th, and 9th times: No, no, no.
- Peggy Bundy: Come on, Al. It's not like we're really getting married. We're just renewing our vows. Besides, Dad's got you covered.
- [Al turns around and sees Ephraim holding a flask and pointing a rifle at him]
- Al Bundy: Just like old times, eh, Ephraim?
- Ephraim Wanker: Only this time the gun is loaded. And so am I!
- Gary Coleman: Al, do you take June to be your lawfully wedded wife?
- Al Bundy: [looks at Jefferson] What do you want me to say, Jefferson? You want me to say you're king? I wont say it! I'm not gonna say it! Admit that this is your little joke.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: [smugly] It's not
- [he hears a car pull up outside and goes to the door]
- Jefferson D'Arcy: *This* is my joke
- [he opens the door and Peggy appears]
- Peggy Bundy: Hi Al!
- [Kelly and Bud cry "Mom!" and go to embrace her]
- Al Bundy: [to the Reverend] I do!
- Gary Coleman: [indicating Peg] Who is this woman?
- Al Bundy: She nobody. Just my wife.
- [to Bud]
- Al Bundy: Hurry up with the ring, boy!
- Peggy Bundy: What is going on here?
- Al Bundy: Well, Peg it all started with ten pizzas...
- Peggy Bundy: Shut up, Al!