- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: The way you leave this door open a maniac could just walk in and kill you.
- Al Bundy: Yeah. Like I ever get what I want.
- Bud Bundy: You know, you and I are a lot alike, boy.
- Buck the Dog: No. I've had sex. And at least I have the decency to die at thirteen.
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: [inner monologue] I know what they're all thinking. Marcy has the smallest breasts in the room. And I'm happy about it. Happy I tell you! They're perfectly symmetrical for my frame. Besides, I have a *big* brain. That's what men really want.
- Jefferson D'Arcy: [sat next to her on the couch with a bowl of snacks] Milk dud?
- Marcy Rhoades D'Arcy: [angrily] Tootsie roll!