M*A*S*H (TV Series)
Heal Thyself (1980)
Mike Farrell: Capt. B.J. Hunnicutt
Photos
Quotes
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Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Not so fast. This is a private room. Go someplace else.
B.J. : There is no place else. The V.I.P. tent is bulging with sick nurses.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Who are also bulging.
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Capt. Steven J. Newsome : This is quite a lovely spot you have here.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : It's not much, but we like to call it hell.
B.J. : We just came for a weekend. Now we may never leave.
Capt. Steven J. Newsome : You're probably here on the American plan.
Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Now, see here, Newsome, that remark shows a complete lack of respect, for this man's army and all that it stands for. And I resent the fact that you beat me to it.
B.J. : So do I.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin "Hawkeye" Pierce : Steve, it's Hawkeye.
Capt. Steven J. Newsome : [in shock] The blood won't come off. No matter what I do, it just stays there.
B.J. : Just take it easy.
Capt. Steven J. Newsome : See what I mean? Look at that. Never gonna go away. No matter how hard I scrub or--how much I wash, it's gonna stay there. Where do they come from? What do they--What do they expect me to do?
[long pause. Newsome quietly starts crying]
Capt. Steven J. Newsome : I can't. I can't.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce : Uh, Charles?
Maj. Charles Winchester : Hmm?
Capt. Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce : You're being kind of cheeky for a guy who says he's never had the mumps.
Maj. Charles Winchester : I have nothing to fear. The superiority of the Winchester genes has rendered me immune. I have been exposed to mumps countless times. I have always emerged unswelled.
B.J. : I'm sure. His butler got them for him.
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Capt. Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce : Hi, Colonel. We got a really swell surprise for ya.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : Go away, Pierce. And take Hunnicutt with you.
B.J. : We wanted to bring you something to cheer you up. But what can you give a man who has everything, including the mumps? His very own roomie!
Capt. Benjamin Franklin Hawkeye Pierce : So here he is now, Charles Emerson Winchester the puffed.
Colonel Sherman T. Potter : [Charles enters, face swollen] Well, well. A childhood malady in a man of your advanced weight?